Little things

I still haven’t worked out where my current blues are coming from but just because they are here doesn’t mean I just have to settle in and live with them until they move on. No. I’m going to be trying to celebrate the little things that make life good. The obvious thing I can focus on for the time being is my holiday. It’s 103 days away which feels like forever but I know it won’t take long before it’s here.

I’ve also just watched a TED Talk on doing something new for 30 days. That doesn’t mean doing a different new thing each day for 30 days, which would be almost impossible. No, I’m going to do the one new thing for 30 days as a bit of relaxation. Studying graphic design in the ye-olden days before computers did everything, we learnt calligraphy and I really enjoyed it but haven’t touched a calligraphy pen in about 20 years. A calligrapher/hand letterer I saw on youtube had a great exercise for beginners like me which is what I will do for 30 days. Each day I will try and “design” a page (probably about 16) different designs for a particular letter of the alphabet.

My training and my body is a constant source of frustration for me so I need to work out a way to reinvigorate exercise for me in a way that helps me achieve my goals and entertains me. Conveniently, circus class starts back for a new term on Monday night which is always fun. My holiday starts in early August so I will also do what we call “Dry July” for the month before. That means no alcohol for all of July which will help me get a bit more ripped for the trip.

People often accuse me of comparing myself to my models which I don’t think is true. Obviously it happens a little bit from time to time but I would say my bigger hurdle is comparing myself now, in my mid 40’s to myself in my early 30’s. I genuinely wish I’d appreciated the body I had at the time but it would seem I’ve always had a somewhat uneasy relationship with it. Instead the goal is to turn that intimidation to inspiration. I know my body can be what I want it to be (well, maybe not the Pietro Boselli dream body).

Let’s see if I can turn this gloom around.

Struggling a bit

There doesn’t seem to be any good reason for it but I am struggling a bit at the moment. I am feeling as unattractive and out of shape as I’ve ever felt even though I don’t think much has changed. My motivation for the gym is non-existent, I’m tired and it’s all frustrating the hell out of me.

It’s not the first time this mood has settled in and I know it will pass so today I’m being good to myself. It’s a public holiday here today, Anzac Day, our equivalent of Veterans Day. I was thinking of heading to the beach but it’s not quite warm enough and I’m in the mood to cocoon myself at home and potter around.

The plan is to try and kill two birds with one stone and cook up some healthy food to take to work for lunches and breakfasts etc, which will save me money, get my nutrition on track and keep me distracted.

In amongst that I have a photo shoot to finish editing of a gorgeous Brazilian guy from a few weeks ago that I haven’t had a chance to edit. Photography is another area that is frustrating me. Apart from the art-porn shoot downloads aren’t selling particularly well and I’m wondering how much I should prioritise them. Who knows? I won’t be making any rash decisions while I’m in a funk.

It’s a good day

It was international Earth Day yesterday which I wasn’t aware of until it was too late to do anything about but I did wake up to a very pleasant surprise in the form of Pietro Boselli (the world’s hottest maths teacher) celebrating Earth Day posting nude shots in the Philippines preserving his modesty with a shell.

Pietro is seriously one of the most physically perfect people I’ve ever seen. He totally embodies my typical type of guy. Take the hot boy next door and make him unattainably hot and there you have it. It doesn’t hurt that Pietro is ridiculously intelligent and from his YouTube videos and other pieces I’ve seen online, he seems like a genuinely nice guy.

Sadly he doesn’t post very often on Youtube but as you can see, his Instagram is a whole bunch of eye candy to appreciate. He is definitely on my photography wish list!

Things change

There are a couple of families that I’ve grown up with that I would consider closer than my real cousins. One of them has drifted off a bit over the last few years but the other family are still very close family friends. Each easter we go away together in a tradition that now spans longer than I’ve been alive.

This year one of the “children” of the other family came with his wife and kids, having not been for about 7 years and to say it caused tension would be an understatement. The dynamic was completely different.

Now, I’ve spent countless hours and days with this guy growing up but as he’s gotten older he has become more driven by money and status than the rest of us. His opinion, according to him is the only one that matters and he and his wife just don’t seem to bother interacting with their children who as a result, are not my kind of kids.

Even his brother who I don’t see much but still get on well with got fed up with him last night and walked away. It was such a shame that the dynamic was so different in a bad way this year. Our Easter tradition is usually a lot of laughs and something I really look forward to.

As it should be

There are people you meet along the way in life that make a real impact. One couple that I’ve known for 7 years or so now have become very good friends and very important to me. They are the couple I studied to become a marriage celebrant for and there aren’t many people I would have done that for.

The husband of the duo is a rare breed of a human. He grew up in very modest surroundings with quite working class family. He’s lived all over the country and done a million different things but all that has made him a very driven, knowledgeable and successful man. He’s also a very typical straight man. He loves his football, his wife’s boobs and all the other typical things that straight men like. The great part of him is that there isn’t a trace of toxic masculinity about him at all.

He cried at his wedding, he treats his wife and all women as his equal and he has never once had any issue with me as a gay man. His wife who is also one of my dearest friends is pretty good at making friends with gay men and one of the first friends she made when she moved here was with another gay man. Her husband, as he does with me has no drama giving me a kiss hello and a good proper hug.

When his football mates saw it the first time they gave him shit about it and he pulled them right up on that bullshit. The thing about men like him is that they are completely secure in who they are and they don’t need to conform to outdated rules about masculinity. If he wants to kiss his mates hello, he damn well will.

Get down to Muscle Beach

It seems that Instagram is the new way for models and photographers to network and find each other these days. I haven’t logged in to Model Mayhem in months. It was feeling increasingly irrelevant and arbitrary.

A few months ago I was put in touch with Bob who was planning a trip to Australia. He had been recommended to me and I had been recommended to him which was a nice feeling. The previous download from our collaboration was the popular “Bunker”.

On the same morning as those images, we shot these images of the amazingly fit Bob rolling around in the sand, in wet jeans and t-shirt before he got naked and finished the shoot in a temporary waterfall caused by previous rain storms.

You’ll have to click here to buy the download to see all the images but as you can see, Bob works seriously hard on his physique and looks spectacular for the effort!

Put it away

Everyone in this big beautiful, dysfunctional world thinks differently and I love that. As tough as it can be at times, it’s great to have your perceptions challenged. One of the things I find most fascinating about people is the wide variety of things that turn people on. People’s fetishes are so intriguing, even when you aren’t into them.

One thing I don’t care for is having people force their fetishes on you. Sometimes that is done in a fairly harmless way but it can still be disconcerting.

Last Saturday I squeezed in what is probably my last nude beach day for the season. It was relatively quiet because, especially in the morning the temperature wasn’t quite as warm as I’d hoped. That’s when I saw him. There was a guy who was walking up and down the beach wearing a chastity cage on his cock. That in itself is very unusual on a nude beach but only mildly disconcerting. I don’t personally even understand cock rings on a nude beach. They are a sex related item, not jewellery so in my book they shouldn’t really be on the beach. They don’t really concern me too much though.

What really got to me about this guy was that he was very determinedly making eye contact with people and making sure that we all saw and acknowledged his cock cage. I’m sorry, I just don’t get it. Firstly how is it a turn on to basically not be able to get turned on and what is it about being emasculated publicly that is so important to you? There are ways of exploring that kind of humiliation or submissiveness without forcing it on a beach full of relaxing nudists. Put it away mate, completely.

Are we still?

Letting people ask questions on Instagram stories is always fraught with danger. My personal page is full of me nude so people feel like they can ask really personal questions and a lot of dumb questions.

Yesterday I put an “Ask me a question” on my stories with the disclaimer that stupid and rude questions would be ignored and requests for dick shots would be ignored without question.

One person said in their question “You look very bottom, do you like dick or ass?” Firstly I would ignore that every time purely for the lack of grammar. Secondly what on earth do they mean by saying I look “very bottom”? Is that because I post a lot of photos of my butt? Well I’m not going to put a full frontal on there so if that’s the way people prove their preference these days I’m shit out of luck.

It’s so boring that in a time with marriage equality slowly but surely increasing around the world and mainstream visibility of gay celebrities and sports people increasing, that we are still making assumptions about peoples preference in the bedroom just by their look. I know of a few guys who are camp as hell and slim twinky looking guys who happen to be complete tops and we all know of rugged buff muscle guys who can take a pounding in the ass like nobody else.

Why don’t we just let people do what they like in the bedroom and leave them alone?

Four months

Long-time readers of this blog have gone through many countdowns over the nearly 14 years that I’ve been blogging. From counting down to the disastrous visits from a long-distance romance who crippled my confidence, count downs to Burning man and counting down to many other adventures.

There are perks and curses to booking holidays a long way out which I tend to do. This year’s holiday I booked flights in October last year I think. The curse is that it’s so far away and half way from booking to leaving I hit a slump thinking it feels like it’s never going to happen. The perk is that it gives me something to aim for and look forward to for nearly a year which helps get me through our (admittedly mild) Australian Winter.

In four months today and pretty much at this time, I’ll be getting to the airport to embark on a long journey to enjoy the sights, sounds, tastes and hopefully a few of the men of some beautiful European locations.

For those of you playing along at home that means I have 122 sleeps (not including naps) until I head off. It would make me a very happy man if I could travel more often but the realities of being an adult in the real world with a job and limited funds means that isn’t a possibility.

Go Deep!

After so long trying to find models willing to fuck on camera, shooting and editing the final product, it’s here! This morning I released “Go Deep” the download of the shoot that I’ve been calling Art-Porn.

The mission was to blur the lines between art and porn and I think I’ve achieved it. People have told me they jerk off to my photography in the past and I don’t really understand that. To me it’s not wank material but then everyone has different “inspiration”.

It’s a very strange feeling asking two guys who are clearly into each other to stop the fuck and move positions and try something else. Most of the shoot was pretty free range and they got themselves into some good situations so I just kept shooting. The interference on my part was kept to a minimum.

The treatment I’ve put on the shoots is a modern version of an old film printing technique called “Solarization” pioneered by photographers like Man Ray.

If you want to see all the images, and I suggest you do, click here to buy Go Deep and all the other downloads. Warning, this download, just in case it wasn’t clear, contains nudity and actual penetrative gay sex. NSFW 18+.

Not holding my breath

My flirting skills are pretty much non-existent. Anyone who has known me for a while knows this and probably finds it quite entertaining and frustrating in equal measure.

Last night I went to a restaurant with friends and when we arrived I needed to visit the bathroom. They only had one stall in the men’s room and the urinal was broken. Someone was in the stall and one guy was waiting. He was quite friendly and very, very beautiful. So naturally I developed a crush quite instantaneously.

My friends were trying to get me to go and give him my number all through dinner but because of my crippling uselessness of course I didn’t. As one friend kept asking “What’s the worst that could happen?” Oh I could die from embarrassment and devastating rejection played out in front of a full restaurant including the three women the guy was having dinner with.

As we were paying the bill, unbeknownst to me, my friend asked for pen and paper and wrote the guy a note. It was all quite high school “my friend thinks you’re hot” etc etc but more maturely written, ending with my phone number. I wasn’t about to stop him giving it to him but I couldn’t be there to witness it so I walked outside before he went over.

Strangely enough I haven’t heard from him yet and I genuinely don’t expect to. Sometimes friends are awesome, sometimes they are awful. This time they were both at the same time.

Here, there anywhere

My decision to hire a camper van to explore Corsica and Sardinia was motivated partly for the ease of it and partly because I’d heard there were nudist campgrounds there. It turns out that’s not the case in Sardinia.

Corsica has a couple of nudist campgrounds to stay in but Sardinia only has clothed camp grounds. A camper van is still a great option for me as I can explore and move around freely. What I’m now wondering is whether I need to stay in camp grounds or if I can just find a spot somewhere in the landscape and set up for the night?

After watching a few youtube videos of people living in vans the idea of waking up somewhere quiet and away from people really appeals. Open up the van door and see the ocean and wake up to the fresh air and sound of waves. There are of course limitations to staying in a quiet spot with no facilities which could influence my decision.

If anyone has any experience of Sardinia, I’d love to hear your stories.

Looking like it’s solo

A few weeks ago I put on Facebook my Europe plans and while several people commented that they were jealous, no one put up their hand to join me. So Europe 2019 is looking like a solo Brenton adventure.

I’m very used to that. The vast majority of my European adventures have been solo. The last trip, with friends in Iceland and other friends in Santorini, Greece was the most I’ve had friends along for the ride.

All of my accommodation is booked and very close to all my travel is booked that can be booked. From here it’s deciding on day trips and mini adventures but that will all be decided at the time.

Does anyone reading this have any little holiday/travel hacks that I might find handy? It is always good to share knowledge and someone might give me that one tip that makes my trip! Who knows?

I don’t want it

Over the weekend it started. I hate it and there is nothing I can do about it. There have been signs for a while of it’s approach but the inevitable is here. The decline into colder weather and shorter days.

On Saturday night I was at friends having a fantastic night but as it got dark the temperature plummeted. Very soon after I was wearing my mate’s big warm jacket having turned up in just jeans and a t-shirt.

Thankfully we have some warm weather predicted over this coming weekend and there is a good opportunity to squeeze in another beach day or a naked-in-the-sunshine kind of day.

Daylight Savings officially ends this weekend so the evenings are going to be darker and that just makes me miserable. My mood is already suffering with the change in temperature. There is hope on the horizon though.

In four months, just as we enter the last month of the official Winter here I’ll take off to Europe to frolic nude in the sunshine and get an early start on my tan, recharge my solar panels and come back happy and refreshed.

Wow

The art-porn shoot models have just left and my goodness was that a hot experience.

I picked one of the models up from the airport as he was coming from interstate and on the drive back he was saying that he was nervous about there not being a connection or chemistry between the two of them. Of course I started to panic a little bit thinking it could be a total disaster.

I’m here to tell you, a disaster is the exact opposite of what just happened. The guys had some serious chemistry and I could tell as we were shooting that the photos were going really well.

There is a fair bit of selection and editing to be done to create the imagery that I have been picturing but once I get that done, there will be a very sexy download available shortly after.

I don’t think erotic work is something that I need to do a lot of but from time to time it certainly is a lot of fun!