I was at my sister’s place the other night and after the kids were in bed I was telling my sister and her husband about the video I posted here the other day of the little boy talking about husbands and husbands. My sister told me they’d had to explain to my nephew about the meaning of gay. I have no idea how it came up but they explained that sometimes men fall in love and marry other men. Apparently after a while, he said “Maybe Brenton will marry a man”. He’s never been told, as far as I know, that I’m gay…
Tag Archive for 'relationships'
February 14th has rolled around once more and 2010 is no different to the years before it in the sense that there isn’t anyone “special” to celebrate it with. As commercially driven as it is, and as much as I don’t think I should be told when to be romantic, it would be nice to hold someone’s hand and give someone a kiss on this day.
How does today feel different from other years? I’m in a more positive frame of mind. I certainly am not claiming to have my life totally sorted at all. I don’t know quite what I want to be when I grow up yet and financially I don’t seem to be making the progress I’d like, but life is good. I’m starting to like myself a bit more and enjoy all the fantastic parts of my life like my good friends, making new friends, aerial silks classes, photography and my wonderful family.
To my new Adelaide friends, happy first anniversary. You are a very special couple and I look forward to getting to know you better. To every reader in a relationship, treasure it and enjoy it, there are many who envy you. To all the single readers, those that want to be and those like me wishing there were someone next to you on the path, enjoy your day, treat yourself and look at the love hearts everywhere with a smile. That’s my plan.
The topic of a threeway relationship has come up with people I’ve met recently a couple of times, especially over the weekend on the cruise. There was a couple on the cruise that I spent a lot of time hanging out with and one of the guys had been “kind of” in a threeway relationship in the past, as had another friend of mine, a few years back.
I’ve never been in a regular long term relationship so I’m no expert and I’m very keen to hear the experiences of readers who are in or have been in a three way relationship. To my inexperienced eye, most of them come from a third being invited into an established relationship and so far to my knowledge it’s that third that usually ends up hurt or dumped from the experience.
The couple I was hanging out with and I got on very well and hypothetically, instigated from the past experience of one of them, discussed the practicalities of the situation. I personally doubt could ever enter into a threeway relationship with an established couple. I’ve never heard of a long term threeway lasting, so it’s a self preservation exercise, stopping myself getting hurt. Secondly, as a hopeless romantic, no matter how much I desired the other two and felt a bond, I would feel absolutely horrendous if my entering the picture caused any kind of jealousy or tension within the original couple.
Having been single for a long time, I’ve had several threesomes with couples over the years and as the “guest” you are treated to an amazing level of attention and often are attracted to one more than the other. I can’t see the point in entering a situation so prone to jealousy. If any of you are in a three way relationship, please tell me your story.
Dear U.S. Citizen,
A little over three years ago you left Australia after your second visit here and our third time together and we left on good terms. I apologise. I should have thrown your arse out of this country as soon as you packed my baggage. Yes, MY baggage. Since that visit, and the way you treated me, I have been riddled with insecurities that weren’t there before you came and hurt me and left me with a smile on your face.
Not being able to tell me in words that you weren’t ready for a serious relationship was ok. Telling me by treating me like dirt found on your shoe was not. Telling me I had bad breath so you didn’t have to kiss me was not good. Being openly critical of things I was doing in the middle of sex was not good. Putting an advertisement on Craigslist for guys to meet us at the nude beach and fuck was not good. Finding you sitting in the steam room at the gym masturbating with someone decades older than you while I was out dressing and waiting for you was not good. Organising more threesomes or group sex, than sex with just you and I was not good.
Did I handle it correctly by letting it all happen instead of telling you to your bags? No, I didn’t. You made me feel like I wasn’t enough. I couldn’t turn you on and someone else had to be there to do that for you. You have left a lasting impression on me that I’m not good enough and frankly, I’m sick of carrying the emotional baggage around that you packed for me. You can have it back.
When you went back home, we tried to be friends and stay in touch. It was good that we were behaving like adults, right up until you called me, standing outside the house of some guy you were practically stalking asking me to talk some sense into you within two months of you saying you weren’t ready for anything serious. At what point in your self absorbed brain did you think that was ok?
Did you think I’d be impressed a couple of months later again, when you were bragging that the guy you were dating (ie fucking regularly with other people) and spending a lot of time with, was a porn star? Only in your mind is that some kind of glamorous aspirational trophy husband. The porn stars I’ve met and chatted to are great guys, but it’s not the fact that they have sex on film that is a selling point for me.
I’m genuinely glad that you are happy in your newest relationship. Seriously. Do you give a damn that I’m not happy with myself and therefore can’t find happiness with someone else, because of how you treated me? I don’t think so. If you’d learnt anything from the two boyfriends that cheated on you and put your health at risk, I thought it would have been how to treat people with respect. Good luck, best wishes.
Sometimes I seriously think my own headspace needs some redecorating or a bloody good feng-shui alignment. For the last couple of weeks I’ve been feeling on the verge of another meltdown like the one I had a couple of months ago about being single etc. A couple of days ago someone said something to me that has brought more attention in my own mind to something that is best ignored.
There is someone I’ve been getting to know for a little while now and we get on really well but there is no way anything will ever cross the line from friends into romance. For starters we just aren’t a good match. I’m not going to go into why, but apart from wanting a similar kind of relationship it would not work at all. With my overly developed desire for a relationship in overdrive I was twisting the good vibes of the new friendship and looking at them from a perspective of potential romance which is not a good idea. Through a good conversation with a mutual friend of ours, she’s put me back on the right track and got me thinking the right way again and the view is much better.
Neurotic and over analysing things much?
At this time of year it’s natural to reassess your life and decisions made over the past year. I feel like I’m at a bit of a crossroads with work and the usual conundrum of my pathetic lovelife.
Work hasn’t been enjoyable for me for some time and like a lot of people I don’t really know what I want to be when I grow up. There is a passion for photography but do I really want to turn it into a career and perhaps kill the passion in the process of trying to make a living? Am I even good enough to consider that? Lots more thinking to be done and there really is no deadline to do it.
As for the relationship thing, who the hell knows if that will ever sort itself out. I had a really nice coffee date yesterday afternoon. I’ll see him again, but only time will tell if it’s going to go anywhere.
Hi everyone, I’m so sorry about the delays but as yet our internet provider at home still hasn’t come up with any answers for us which is pissing me off no end. So this post comes to you from my office where I am stuck in a very busy week trying to get urgent stuff done before we close for a couple of weeks over the Christmas period.
To update you all on stuff. Hot Nudie and I are no longer dating. A couple of factors were at play, for me anyway and I decided I think we’d be better as friends. It’s a shame but I’m learning that my gut instinct is quite often right these days and when I ignore it I end up burnt badly, like with the American a few years ago.
Our house doesn’t feel like a home at the moment. Flatmate has a couple of friends staying with us from the U.K. who are out here for about 6 months and all they do is sit around the house ALL day. If you arrived from a cold and wet country, for 6 months in a sunny and warm country, don’t you think you’d get off your arse and explore it? Even if it were out of courtesy to not be underfoot where you are staying? Apparently not. My flatmate is a very neat and clean person and this (straight) couple have spread their stuff over the entire living area. Laptops, sunglasses, phones, phone chargers, change, clothes, bags. You name it, we’re tripping over it. It’s going to be a close call whether the friendship between my flatmate and these two survives the two more days (total of 11) they are here.
I went to the nude beach with a mate who is living here from Canada yesterday. We were there for 3 hours and the poor sod didn’t drink any water and missed several spots on his (quite pale) skin with sunscreen despite my offers to put it on his back. He texted me this morning saying he’d had sun stroke last night, and was very ill and now has blisters on his back. Please, if you are going in the sun in Australia, be very very careful. We have a hole in the Ozone layer and very harsh sun.
Yesterday I went off to the beach down in the National Park with Hot Nudie and met some other friends there. HN and I were the first of the group there. Neither of us braved the walk down nude even though we probably both would under normal circumstances and may well do next time. The reason for the apprehension? Well it was to be our first time seeing each other naked.
There is a strange dynamic in play when you have barely started dating someone and haven’t yet had sex but you are about to be naked together. There’s nothing wrong with it and it was a nice dynamic to experience. Most couples, ie non nudist couples, wouldn’t ever get to experience that. We did kiss and cuddle in the water and it did of course lead to things popping up. HN did have to roll over several times through the day to hide some localised swelling. If it had just been he and I, it wouldn’t have been a problem, but given that my friends were there a raging hard on probably isn’t appropriate.
Having been single for a very long time and never really having a significant relationship I don’t know the rules of dating or play by them very well when I do. I’ve always been a heart on my sleeve/open book kinda person and if I like someone I’m rubbish at hiding it.
Last night I met date boy or the Hot Nudie as he may be known at 7pm at a cafe a couple of blocks from my house. I was there first after a rough journey getting there. I went to iron the shirt I planned to wear and saw that it had a mark on it, back in the wash. Then I finished ironing option #2 and went to put the ironing board away and broke the light fitting in front of the cupboard. With no time to vacuum properly I swept up the glass and sent a text to my flatmate telling him to be careful. On arrival at our table, there was a mother and father with two young children, the younger of which promptly knocked something over and started crying.
Thankfully all that disappeared when Hot Nudie arrived. His smile is engaging, one of those ones that lights up the whole face, twinkly blue eyes and all. Before you know it, good conversation, good food, good laughs and nice flirting had swallowed three hours in the blink of an eye and it was time to say goodbye for the night. I walked him around to his car where there was some Grade A goodnight kissing to be partaken. I did walk home with a dopey grin on my face.
Date #2 is scheduled for Sunday, of sorts. Hot Nudie is coming with me to meet friends down in the national park at the nude beach again. Yup, it’s nice. Now I’ve just gotta hope he enjoyed it as much as I did.
Tomorrow night I have a date. I’ve already had one date this week, on Monday night which for me, wasn’t great. Tomorrow night’s date is someone I used to see a few years ago when I went to nude yoga but we never actually met. Last week I saw him online on a site and said hi. While I’ve learnt not to get my hopes up over dates in the past, I’m feeling good about this one. Who knows where it will go or if it will go anywhere at all, but at least I’ve met myself another nude buddy. Yep, he’s a total nudie, always getting his gear off. We like that in a man!
So forgive me if I don’t post tomorrow night, but I may be having a lovely evening of conversation and laughs. We are doing a proper old-fashioned date, no nudity, no hanky panky, but I won’t rule out a goodnight kiss!
On the weekend I was away up in northern NSW to go to a family friend’s wedding. It wasn’t like any wedding I’d ever been to. The couple are a bit hippy, a bit greeny and the wedding was very fitting for them. They married barefoot on the riverbanks with a small local choir singing and all the kids playing on the edge of the water. What was the unusual part, was that when the bride had finished signing the register, she promptly sat down and pull out her breast and started feeding their baby son. Not particularly normal by the standards of any wedding I’ve ever seen, but quite beautiful, if a little shocking given this was a girl I’ve grown up with.
Yesterday a mate of mine called from London. He and his boyfriend have been together for nearly 14 years and were just on a holiday in Egypt and Jordan. They did a hike up some mountain and arriving there at dawn, promptly turned to each other and proposed. It turns out both of them had been thinking about it and planning the proposal but obviously hadn’t discussed it. I love shit like that. Congratulations boys!
The latest edition of DNA has two beautiful boys, Aden and Jordan on the cover. They are a real life couple who are starting out in porn after being together for a few years. They are hot, and yeah, I’d watch them in porn for sure. There is something that has been bothering me about the article though. I don’t know if the magazine called them monogamous or they did, but they certainly claim to be “one person people”.
I totally understand from reading the article that they are completely committed to each other, but monogamous? No. They are not. They are working in porn, therefore sleeping with other people, and they say in the article that yes, they’ve had others join them for sex in their private lives from time to time as well.
How on earth could they call that monogamous? Monogamy by it’s very definition means to only be with one other perons, not at a time, or per day, but one other person, the one you are in the relationship with. I don’t care what they do. I have friends in various forms of open relationships and understand that sex and emotion aren’t necessarily connected, but be honest about what you call it. If you are having sex with other people, for gratification or work, you are NOT being monogamous.
This weekend I headed down the south coast of NSW with my family to go to my cousin’s 21st birthday. Friday night, after we’d all settled in and my Dad was long asleep, my mother my sister and I sat up chatting about all sorts of things. I had no intention of bringing up my meltdown last week or the things I felt like I needed to hear from my mother but over the course of a couple of hours somehow, very naturally and organically, we ended up there.
Basically the disappointment and disapproval I had thought I felt from my mother was actually love and concern and worry that I was going to be ok. My mother is from a generation and environment that doesn’t understand homosexuality, like a lot of parents, and somewhere between me coming out nearly ten years ago and friday night, we’d developed a great divide between what we thought and what the other was feeling. To say it was a relief is a huge understatement.
Having my sister there also helped. She’s definitely somewhere between my mother and I in terms of her thinking. She’s more conservative than me but more liberal than my mother. She helped my mother understand a couple of things that she misunderstood.
Now that I’m on the road to a better place, I’m thinking it’s time for a bit more therapy to help myself along a bit more. Let’s see if I can’t shake these demons a bit more.
Today has been a really rough day for me. I’m not entirely sure why. There have been a couple of things going on which should be really positive things but have been throwing me off balance for some reason. My flatmate has now officially been infected with my love ebola virus. For those not familiar, people around me seem to catch relationships whether they want to or not. So that threw me a bit. To be honest I love seeing people special to me finding happiness but it does get a bit tiring that it’s never me.
If I’m brutally honest with myself, which I’m increasingly trying to be, I need to snap out of my lack of confidence and constant negative self image. Why the hell would someone else be happy with me if I can’t be? I am trying to focus on myself, what makes me happy and getting content with myself before I even contemplate finding Mr Right.
There is another issue with my family that I feel I need to address but don’t know if what I’m seeing as an issue is really there or an incorrect perception of a situation. It’s a big one to me but fairly simply resolved but it means I have to broach the subject of my sexuality in an emotional conversation with my mother. She’s not comfortable talking about my sexuality nor emotional stuff in general. So… I’m trying to regain the balance. I do love my life, but the last few days it’s been hard to see the fun for the chores.
The other night a good mate of mine and I were having a fairly in depth discussion about dating/men/relationships and both lamenting the fact that we are both single, stable, good looking guys who can’t seem to find a boyfriend. Sydney is a tough city to find a man even though all my single female friends swear all the good ones are gay, I beg to differ. My friend and I both want monogamy, affection, intimacy and all those simple pleasures that come with a relationship, yet neither of us have every had anything more than 6 months. He faces an additional hurdle in that he’s HIV+. In what I know is a sweeping generalisation, his perception is that most HIV+ men don’t seem too keen on monogamy. I countered that that applies to most gay men, especially in this town.
He and I met online and have fooled around a couple of times but not for a while. He put it to me directly, asking if I would or could date someone that was positive. In the past on this blog I’ve made bold statements that I didn’t think I could even shag a guy that I knew was positive. That has since been proven incorrect and I’ve had sex with a couple of guys knowing their positive status. The answer to his question, and it wasn’t a proposition, was that I still don’t know, but it’s certainly not an instant no as it would have been possibly as recently as two years ago. So we decided to bring it to the blog and have a poll.
If you are negative, would you date a positive guy? If you are positive, would you date a negative guy? My friend is terrified at the prospect of accidentally infecting someone, and would have trouble coping if he did, but at the same time is prepared to date a negative guy. We are really keen to hear your answers.
Would you date outside your status?
- I'm neg and only date neg guys (59%, 386 Votes)
- I'm neg and I'll date either poz or neg (32%, 210 Votes)
- I'm poz and I'll date either poz or neg (7%, 47 Votes)
- I'm Poz and only date poz guys (2%, 13 Votes)
Total Voters: 655
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