Absolutely disgusted & furious

Last night my father mentioned something that I’ve been stewing on all night and it’s really upset me and made me furious.

A woman I have known my entire life that is acquainted with my family fairly strongly has apparently announced that she’s voting no in the marriage equality plebiscite vote. To set the tone, this woman is someone I don’t like and to use a cliched term, she’s just plain toxic.

Why does her vote on this matter to me so much? She is free to vote how she likes but there are some circumstances that are pissing me right off. She is using her religious beliefs to say no but this is a woman who is on to her third husband. Doesn’t the bible say “marriage is a lifetime commitment.” So she’s broken that one. Then there is the revolting detail that husband number 2 was molesting her daughter for several years and she KNEW ABOUT IT! Her argument was that she loved him.

She is the kind of person that is desperate for validation so having a husband at the cost of her daughter’s well being was something she could live with. Eventually he went to jail and she divorced him.

How on earth, in her tiny little brain, can she be ok with essentially handing a pedophile her daughter on a platter but then not ok with two consenting adults of the same gender getting married?

Bless Colton’s beautiful bum

Colton Haynes is one celebrity I have found very beautiful for many years. Since he came out last year he seems to have blossomed even more. Now he’s engaged to florist to the stars Jeff Leatham and it seems they share a love for cheeky nude pics.

Colton apparently sends nude pics to his friends all the time. I wonder if his good friend Serena Williams has a cache of them to share? While he and his fiance were on vacation recently they posted these photos on Colton’s instagram and I have to say, I am very supportive of this kind of shenanigans. Bless them and their naked beauty. Yum.

I wonder why

With the events of the past week I’ve spent a lot of time in my own head which is not always a good thing. Something I’ve wondered a lot over the years is why those of us that are single always feel like we are the only ones that can’t find someone special?

Over my many years of being single I have wondered why I can’t find someone when it feels like everyone else ends up in a relationship almost by accident? Rationally we can look around and see lots of people, both gay and straight who haven’t had much luck with dating but the heart isn’t rational. These days when people tell me not to worry he’s out there, you’ll meet him one day I casually say there are no guarantees.

It makes me really sad to think that maybe I won’t ever find someone to love but that’s the reality. It just may never happen. I’ve posted before that my life is great (a little bumpy at the moment, but generally fine) but I think it would be amazing to share it with someone. What I don’t understand are the people that don’t get out there and live life but hope that Mr Right is going to turn up and then they’ll go live it together. What if he never comes along?

Right now I’m just trying not to think that I’m the only one in the world who can’t find a boyfriend. It’s not unusual. If I don’t keep that in mind I think I’m some kind of unlovable creature from the depths of the lagoon. Clearly that’s not a good headspace. Thankfully those thoughts don’t pop up much.

Inspiration and class

She may not be everyone’s taste but Pink is one of those people that I really admire. She’s made a very successful career by not playing the Hollywood game by the rules. Her look doesn’t confirm to the pretty girl, nor does her body. Yet she’s hot as hell. Her music is unapologetically honest and auto-biographical to the point where I wonder what her husband thinks at times.

Tonight she was awarded with the Michael Jackson Video Vanguard award at the VMA’s and she gave a ripping speech about staying true to yourself using a story about her daughter to illustrate her point. Check that out above.

Below is her video to the new single “What About Us”. As usual she’s sticking up for the disenfranchised and the people who don’t fit in or the marginalised. It’s a great song and a beautiful video.

This week I’ve hit the angry phase about being made redundant from my job and being dumped by date-boy. Both events made me question my value, my skills and my self-worth so I need to get myself back on track, listen to some good music and get moving.

Dusty memories

Some of my friends are now either already at Burning Man or very much on their way. For some it’s their first time and for others it’s definitely not.

It’s been four years since I last went to Burning Man and while I’m in no hurry to go back with so much of the world left to see, each year at this time I get nostalgic for the playa and all the silliness that goes on. It’s such a bonkers place to go and you can certainly make almost anything you like of it once you are there.

Surprisingly I posted a photo on my Instagram on Thursday as my #tbt or #throwbackthursday image and it’s had over 400 likes which I’m pretty sure is a record for one of my images. I was nearly going to share it here when I remembered that I have the above animated gif version.

I was nervous about getting on that duck but then I thought, may as well. Life only hands you a few of these opportunities. Whip your pants off and grab the chance while it’s there.

Open to opportunities

With the events of this week the only thing I can do is embrace the opportunities. While I am losing some opportunities, like the free use of the studio at my work, now I pretty much have a clean slate to pick which of my skills I should focus on and pursue.

Not only do I have the chance to redefine my career if I want to but I also have nothing keeping me in Sydney other than friends and family. If a good job popped up somewhere else in Australia or even the world, why not take it up.

Of course I do have a very established network of friends here and also my family are all close by. Those would all be hard to leave but as the saying goes, I’d rather regret things I’ve done than the things I haven’t done. While I was travelling a couple of months ago I did think I could easily live in Germany. It felt very easy and comfortable. God knows I love the attitude towards nudity.

It’s tough

Having the guy I was just starting to date call it off has hit me harder than I thought it would. For once in my life I’m really in a great place with my singledom and feeling fine about things but then he came along and shook me up a bit. I wasn’t looking for anything at all but even though things were only a few dates in there was such a chemistry between us and an ease in how we communicated that I made the mistake of allowing myself to picture things a bit further down the track.

To have that snatched away, no matter how legitimate the reasons has hurt me a bit and because I’ve got such a rubbish dating history it makes me feel like, even though he says otherwise, I wasn’t enough for him to take a chance on me.

It’s all irrational but then, all affairs of the heart are. Part of me wants to tell him he’s missing out on something great and part of me wants to run away and hide. We were so early into the situation but it really felt like we had a chance.

Once again…

This is the second time I have written this post. The first attempt was yesterday and it was very angry and ranty. I’ve now calmed down and am going to write it again in a more rational tone.

Over the past few weeks I’ve been on a few dates with a guy that I met on Scruff. We got on really well and there was a real ease and comfort to it while still being very much attracted to each other. On Tuesday night over dinner our conversation was easy and very varied as usual but we delved into the topic of exes which we had covered before. When I’d picked him up that night I’d sensed a shift but during the conversation he told me all about the most recent breakup.

The next morning we were texting and he told me that he didn’t think he was ready to get involved. That meeting me and getting on so well had brought up a few things from the breakup that he needed to deal with. So once again I have been the catalyst for someone to realise they aren’t ready to be in a relationship. I believe him and don’t think it was just a reason to get rid of me.

My dating history, however is full of guys telling me they aren’t ready for something but then within six months they are moving in with the love of their life. If that happens this time of course I will be happy for him because he deserves to be happy but I did say that when he thinks he’s ready, ask me on a date. I want another chance with him.

I am pretty bored with being the guy that guys aren’t ready for. I’m ready. Why not take a chance?

No surprises there…

I’ve posted a few times before about how the company I work for doesn’t seem to be doing very well. Over the past few months things have been getting worse and I started to get nervous. One of my friends runs a recruitment company in the U.S. and when I asked him for advice on writing my CV he said that because I have worked here for so long (9 years) that I should just talk to my boss.

Yesterday the question “Is my job safe?” was met with a “No, not really.” So now I need to get my shit together, write a CV, build my LinkedIn profile, build my website again and see what I can find. One of the bigger issues is that I don’t actually know which direction I want to take my career. Ultimately I might just end up working for myself but I’m not in a position to do that and there are aspects of that which make me nervous.

Thankfully while this job has frustrated the hell out of me at times, it has also been a huge learning ground for my skills which will help with whichever direction I want to take.

In the meantime it’s time to be an adult which isn’t always fun. It usually means putting pants on.

Surprising results

Last week I posed the question on where people stand on photos when they are hanging out nude and I’m quite surprised by the results. Maybe I have a more exhibitionistic readership than I thought or maybe you are all just really chilled out.

It’s no surprise that I only had 197 votes in the poll as I know there have been some problems with voting and commenting lately. Out of the 197 votes the lead result was that most of you are fine with people taking full frontal photos and you don’t care where they end up. A surprising 77 of you (39%) said that you were fine with whatever.

The next top answer was from those of you who are happy with full frontal photos being taken as long as they aren’t shared with 56 votes (27%).

Twenty percent of you don’t want any photos at all taken when you are nude which is the answer I expected to get a lot more votes than the 39 that it did.

Last but not lease with 25 votes (13%) was photos are fine as long as they aren’t frontal.

These results really make me wonder why I’ve traditionally found it difficult to find models willing to pose full frontal. Very interesting results.

They said I do.

Yesterday was the day of my first wedding as Marriage Celebrant, for my lovely friends Ash and Lauren. I’m very pleased to say that I didn’t mess it up and they are legally married and it all went spectacularly.

Early in the afternoon I was really nervous but once I got into my wedding ensemble and got down to the actual location of the ceremony, a beautiful natural rock cathedral, I felt much more relaxed. Then I nearly started getting a bit teary when the bride made her appearance, then again when she was reading her vows and Ash started getting teary. It nearly set me off.

The rest of the night could only be described as one of the most fun weddings and best parties I’ve been to in years. The speeches were romantic, funny and just perfect. The music was great, the dancing didn’t stop and everyone had a great time.

Now I have one more wedding lined up for other friends in a few months and I need to get started in promoting myself as a Marriage Celebrant. Fingers crossed all the weddings go so smoothly.

Yes, the photo above is the happy couple enjoying their first drink as husband and wife while the sun set over the valley.

Good challenges

Last night I had a catch up with David and Adam who I photographed together last December. I’ve been catching up with Adam quite regularly but I haven’t seen David since the shoot. We chat from time to time on Facebook and recently David sent me a message saying that he’d just seen the erotic shoot in QAMA Magazine that I did with Chris. Not only that, he’s really keen to do some artistic erotic work.

Now I knew that David had no problem with full frontal and I had even seen a shot or two he’d done with other photographers where he was a bit aroused but knowing he’s essentially up for whatever as long as it’s creative, interesting and beautiful was great to hear. It’s also worked out really well that I’ve been sent the brief for Issue #3 of QAMA.

So, David and I have two months to refine the idea that we’ve started discussing, lock down the shoot time and make some wildly sexy beautiful images! It’s going to be so much fun. Maybe after all these years lamenting how shy Sydney models are, I just needed to find one and it’s started the ball rolling! Now if I can just keep the ball(s) rolling!

Don’t forget to play

When I was in Naxos, last month I saw a t-shirt for sale that I should have bought but didn’t. It said “Don’t forget to play”. That’s something that as adults we so often do. We get very caught up on what we think we should do and what society will approve of. I really like the idea of just doing something childish every now and then.

Yesterday I saw this video (below) to Macklemore’s new single Glorious. In the video he goes to pick up his real life grandmother for her 100th birthday and takes her out on an adventure day being silly and having fun.

You know how parents aren’t allowed to have a favourite child but grandparents totally are? My grandmother on Dad’s side adored me and we got on like a house on fire. If she were alive today I would love to have taken her out on a day like this just being silly and fun. She had a laugh that was loud and inappropriately bawdy at times. It was awesome.

So, go out and play today. Just do something small and silly to bring a smile to your face.

Frustrating times

Australian politicians seem to be in full blown pathetic mode and we are looking down the barrel of a $122 Million waste of time with a Postal Plebiscite to gauge the public opinion on Marriage Equality which is non-compulsory, non-binding and skewed to fail. Yesterday I had a long discussion on Facebook with a friend of a friend who even though she is atheist, she was using the bible to say that Marriage is a religious thing so shouldn’t be changed. Guess what? It’s not! 75% of marriages in Australia are civil ceremonies these days.

As a Marriage Celebrant about to do my first ceremony, I am allowed to officiate at a ceremony that I am currently unable to experience myself. That stings a bit and the arguments that are coming out already about pedophilia, sanctity of marriage etc are so hurtful. We had one Politician say that he has affectionate friendships with his buddies that he goes cycling with but they don’t need to get married. Yes he likened long term loving relationships of gay people to mates who cycle together.

I’m trying to stick to factual and logical arguments when countering the stupidity but it’s getting harder.

This beautiful video from Tom Daley and Dustin Lance Black’s wedding shows what we are after. We aren’t trying to steal children or tear apart the fabric of society. We just want to be able to commit to the person we love in exactly the same way that straight couples can. It’s not hard.

A touch more touch

As I mentioned recently, this morning I went to a “Touch Space Workshop”. There were 18 guys and a huge variety of bodies and ages. I’m the first to admit that I looked around and was worried that there weren’t many guys at all that I was physically attracted to. Then I thought about why I was there and what it was about. It’s not about getting off with someone or being attracted to them but instead it was about letting down barriers about touch and intimacy as well as consent.

There were two groups. One was blindfolded and the other not. The people with blindfolds were receiving touch which could be sensual or even fairly blatantly sexual or just non intimate touch.

It was quite challenging but freeing to take note of who might not have been receiving touch and going to make sure they were included.

When it came time to receive touch while being blindfolded I was lucky. I was never left standing there not being attended to and I quite often had two guys exploring. Being blindfolded even though I knew that the guys I wasn’t into were part of the experience, taking away that visual connection means you just let go of that and any hangups associated with it.

It was almost overwhelming being touched by two people at times in very sensual and intimate ways and not doing anything to reciprocate. I’d recommended it for everyone.