Grindr, that magical land where time disappears in the blink of an eye, social niceties fly out the window and people let their freak flag fly. Tonight it’s proven it’s never going to disappoint if you set your expectations to “WTF?”.

Picture it, a notification pops up and a handsome, boy-next-door type is saying hi. His profile says he’s looking for a serious relationship. The third message after hellos and how-are-you was “I want to stay in Australia with the right man and live the rest of my life there. Are you single and looking for a long-term relationship with the right man?”

When I expressed an ever so slight amount of scepticism and said I think these things need to evolve naturally he launched into distance not being a problem and chemistry between both partners will work things out. “Trust me.” Um, I think mate, you’ve skipped all of the getting to know you part, let alone the actually physically meeting bit which I generally find helps the chemistry. Poor chap did go quiet when I said I’d been burned by a distance relationship in the past and I like to meet face-to-face. But then I’m pretty sure that one of two things is happening here.

Firstly, how on a location based app is a guy in Afghanistan finding me. I’m pretty sure that even the paid version of the app doesn’t let you search the world, so I’m guessing some kind of bot or scam. Secondly, even if somehow I was messaging a real person his real goal was a visa, not true love. It may be a magical land, but I’m too cynical to believe in that whole fairytale.