There was a brief moment today when for no reason that I can think of, I had a flashback to a man who I had a ridiculous crush on many years ago. This happened around 1995 and it was the first time I acknowledged that I was feeling attracted to a guy. That’s four years before I experimented sexually with a guy, came out to myself and ultimately came out to my family.

He was about as cliched “my type” as you can get and a more typical boy next door you will never find. Blonde hair, athletic body in a tight bonds t-shirt and tanned skin. He had blue eyes and a big beautiful smile too. I’m pretty certain his name was Ken and he was a carpenter friend of the guys who owned the business I was working for. He came to our office to re-do the front reception area. It made no sense to a young Brenton who thought he was straight that I was looking at this guy the way I was. It was the first time I knew I wasn’t just looking because I wanted to have a body like his or some other false reason to be looking. I found him devastatingly attractive.

Who knows why he popped into my head today. I work in an office building and there was no one around who reminded me of him. There weren’t even any carpenters around. I wonder whatever happened to him?

The gif of Chris Hemsworth is just for illustrative purposes. He wasn’t actually Chris Hemsworth obviously but you get the vibe.