It’s the sentence most of us gay men are terrified to hear. “You should meet my gay friend.” It never goes well and all our straight, very well meaning friends need to learn that two gay men are not automatically going to fall in love.

Yesterday I went to the first birthday party of a friend’s daughter. That friend tried to set me up with her colleague and friend about two years ago and yesterday I was reminded at the party why we were never going to work. We just have zero in common and there is no attraction on my part.

The problem is even more diabolical when it’s a fellow gay man setting you up and getting it completely wrong. One of my very dear friends has tried a couple of times and I’m very grateful for his efforts but, no. One of them came with the description of “He isn’t very good looking but he’s a lovely guy.” He was more attractive than he was a nice person. Rude and arrogant are the two words that spring to mind.

Another guy he introduced me to was a slightly unhinged nasty bitch of a human who tried to tell us a hilarious story about being viciously nasty to someone he knew we weren’t fans of, and being nasty in a crowded public place. Unsurprisingly neither of us thought he was a good person after that and my friend apologised enthusiastically.

Why are my friends no good at introducing me to people? Or is this a global problem?