I still haven’t worked out where my current blues are coming from but just because they are here doesn’t mean I just have to settle in and live with them until they move on. No. I’m going to be trying to celebrate the little things that make life good. The obvious thing I can focus on for the time being is my holiday. It’s 103 days away which feels like forever but I know it won’t take long before it’s here.

I’ve also just watched a TED Talk on doing something new for 30 days. That doesn’t mean doing a different new thing each day for 30 days, which would be almost impossible. No, I’m going to do the one new thing for 30 days as a bit of relaxation. Studying graphic design in the ye-olden days before computers did everything, we learnt calligraphy and I really enjoyed it but haven’t touched a calligraphy pen in about 20 years. A calligrapher/hand letterer I saw on youtube had a great exercise for beginners like me which is what I will do for 30 days. Each day I will try and “design” a page (probably about 16) different designs for a particular letter of the alphabet.

My training and my body is a constant source of frustration for me so I need to work out a way to reinvigorate exercise for me in a way that helps me achieve my goals and entertains me. Conveniently, circus class starts back for a new term on Monday night which is always fun. My holiday starts in early August so I will also do what we call “Dry July” for the month before. That means no alcohol for all of July which will help me get a bit more ripped for the trip.

People often accuse me of comparing myself to my models which I don’t think is true. Obviously it happens a little bit from time to time but I would say my bigger hurdle is comparing myself now, in my mid 40’s to myself in my early 30’s. I genuinely wish I’d appreciated the body I had at the time but it would seem I’ve always had a somewhat uneasy relationship with it. Instead the goal is to turn that intimidation to inspiration. I know my body can be what I want it to be (well, maybe not the Pietro Boselli dream body).

Let’s see if I can turn this gloom around.