As usual, I’ve been excelling in procrastination. Even the occasional procrasturbation.
Today that stops. I’m heading out to my circus school to start putting together my performance for the naughty, more adult version of the performance nights that the school does. I’ve been campaigning for this to happen for years and it’s happening. Unfortunately one of my talents is not rehearsing enough and negative self-talk. The dialogue in my head says I’m shit at performing but that’s because I never rehearse enough. I don’t rehearse enough because I get so nervous about performing. Vicious cycle much? It’s not fun.
The trouble is that when I come to putting a routine together I worry that I’m not going to be able to do all the tricks that I have in my head so then I default to old tricks. Yawn. Time for some intensive rehearsal, workshopping and training.
I’ve decided that I’m too good at negative self talk in general. Making jokes about how old I am or how out of shape I’m feeling is now far too habitual for me and it’s a self perpetuating prophecy. So this afternoon is the first step in fixing all that.