My family isn’t one to talk about feelings a lot. I have never been left in doubt that they love me, even when my mother wasn’t quite coping with me coming out all those years ago.
So it was a little bit unusual to get a text message from my sister starting with “Just checking in.” There was more to the message and it was all very casual but I started to think about why she might not have thought I was ok. Maybe I’m reading too much into it. That is an entirely possible scenario but while I was thinking about it I thought about my social media activity lately. It would be fair to say that I’m going through a lonely phase and there may have been a couple of statuses on Facebook that would hint to that but I didn’t think I’d been all “Woe is me” about anything but quite often people around you see you more clearly than you see yourself.
Anyway, I am fine but it’s given me a bit of a kick in the butt. Even though I joke about being old, fat and chronically single I don’t mean it but there is definitely a bit of cynicism about those things. I’m not enjoying certain elements of getting older at the moment and struggling to see the positives in being single and a “Mature aged gay”. My mental health is ok, I’m not suffering from depression or anything but I do feel like I need to be aware of these darker phases and not let them become too habitual. See them for what they are but always look for the positives.
It was very nice to know that my sister is looking out for me. Having seen a lot of sibling relationships that are awful at worst, a bit rubbish in other cases, it’s great that I get on with my sister and her husband and kids so well.
This wasn’t a post looking for sympathy or anything, just saying.