At the moment I’m frustrated. Frustrated because I’m not one of those guys that is disciplined with food and who loves the gym. Part of me is realistic and understands that I’m over 40 and I have a life that includes socialising and having a drink and good food with friends. I’m never going to look the way I did in my 20’s and that’s fine.

The other part of me thinks I’m over 40 and single and really can’t let myself go in this very body obsessed world that is gay dating. Jokingly I called myself fat a year or so ago and someone said to me “Is that like gay fat/straight skinny?” and I had to laugh because it’s true. In general terms, straight boys get away with a lot less working out than gay men do. Sydney especially is quite body fascist and the gay men in this town are very, let’s say discerning when it comes to the bodies that they find acceptable. Now I’m aware that I’m not obese or physically repulsive but I am not feeling attractive at all at the moment.

Working out is feeling like a chore. Eating well has never been my strongest attribute and at this time of year there are so many opportunities to catch up with friends, drink alcohol and eat rich delicious waistline-destroying foods. In the Southern Hemisphere though that also coincides with beach season and less clothing so it’s a double edged sword. Fingers crossed this frustrated period passes and I will be back to my normal self.