Yesterday I went to a friend’s engagement party/pre-wedding celebration. I went with a very close friend and her husband who are both really fun and very sweet people. They recently had a baby who is absolutely adorable. As with all new first-time parents they are focused on making sure Li’l Man has his feeds and naps at the right times and trying to stop him from having over-tired melt-downs. I was in the back seat of their car with Li’l Man and he was looking at me trying to work out who I am. At three months old clearly he’s not going to remember someone he’s only seen a handful of times but as we drove over there he was hanging on to my finger and fell asleep.

It’s moments like those that I get very clucky. I am totally fine with the fact that I don’t have kids and won’t have kids. Not having a partner and not being in a financial position to raise children it’s just not something that is going to happen but having Li’l Man fall asleep gripping my finger just made me all sappy inside. I was exactly the same when my niece and nephew were babies and I’m always happy to hold someone’s baby and help try and get them to sleep if the situation arises.

It’s one of those situations where I wonder what kind of father I would have made. Would I do a good job? Hopefully yes, I think I would. It’s a bit like when I go to a friend’s wedding as a seemingly chronically single man. Will I ever get the opportunity to be someone’s partner/husband? Would I be good at it and treat them well and make them happy?

The time when Li’l Man won’t want to hold his Fairy Godfather B’s hand will come all too soon. My niece is more than happy to have cuddles but my nearly 12 year old nephew isn’t quite as convinced and that’s just normal so for I’ll take baby hugs and cuddles from my niece when they are on offer and soak it all up.