Tonight at circus class we had a different teacher as a fill in. It’s a guy that was a student in the school just a few years ago but has been travelling the world and spent a lot of time honing his circus skills to the point where he is now a very good aerialist. About the time he left the country I had a bit of a clash with him over something that happened with mutual friends. It occurred to me tonight clearly, and it’s been on my mind for a while now that I need to let go of other people’s hurts.
I’m quite a loyal friend and if someone messes with my friends then while I don’t go and fuck them up I don’t forget it and I don’t let it go. It’s time to loosen that grip. It first came to my attention that maybe my grip on a grudge was too tight a few years ago when I found out a friend was talking to someone that I thought he hated after the person had wronged him quite badly. My friend had moved on and let it go but I was still carrying around a big heavy bag of resentment and I wasn’t even the person that had been hurt.
I’ve also been holding on with a death grip to the hurt that the American guy I dated long distance 8 years ago left me with. It has become a barrier or a shield that stops anyone else getting close or me letting go and having the fun sex that I know I’m capable of. He probably barely thinks about me if he thinks about me at all but I still use him as a reason for all my insecurities. Sure he handed a lot of them to me but I’m a grown man, I can put them down.
This move of house already feels like a really good change for me and I’m planning on keeping the good changes happening.