A couple of weeks ago I saw an article that was pretty honest and blunt in it’s delivery. It was an article that essentially said that a lot of people just aren’t going to find “The one” for them and questioned whether or not the reader could be ok with that. To be honest, I’m not sure I can. It may happen. It honestly feels though, like that’s the way my life is going. I may walk down life’s road with friends and family but there may not be anyone special to hold my hand into the twilight.
Part of me is resigned to that fact but there is a large part of me that is terrified of that. The whole world tells us that we are supposed to find love even though there are lots of people out there like me that haven’t found it and may never find it. My life is great and I can be quite happy in single player mode but road trips, computer games, card games, beds and even showers are better shared.
I guess my fear, and it is a fear, of being single for life is that it confirms my fears that I’m not good enough. I’ve never been a confident guy and my dating experiences over the years, especially with the American several years ago have just compounded my insecurities. Surely if I was good enough then someone would have snapped me up by now. I’m not fishing for compliments. Emotions and internal dialogue are rarely rational but they are real to whoever is experiencing them. That’s where my head goes when someone isn’t interested. I’m not good enough and until I fix that internal dialogue then of course no one is going to hold my hand down the road of life.