Several years ago I kept running into a friend of a girl I was working with whenever we were out having drinks. Every time we saw each other she would say “You can be converted. You just need to meet the right girl.” I would politely laugh it off until one night she started up again and we were all a bit drunk. I stuck my face between her enormous boobs, gave her a big kiss and turned and walked away. Her boyfriend was standing nearby and was not impressed. They broke up for a while over it. Her defence? “He’s gay!” So using my sexuality as a defence for being kissed by me is fine but me being gay is something that is easily fixed by the right woman. Clearly she was never going to be that woman.

If it’s that easy to change your sexuality why don’t a lot more people do it on a whimsical it’s-friday-and-I-feel-a-little-gay kinda way? And if it’s so easy then why are the christian’s so up in arms about it? I never realised just how offended I was by this girl’s constant display of ignorance until several years later. The implication of being converted is that I wasn’t good enough how I was and with a slight tweaking of where I like to stick my genitals that I’d be a much better person. I never once told her that she just needed to learn not how to be an ignorant cow and that would have served her well in life.