Anyone who uses hookup/meeting apps like Grindr or online sites like Dudesnude will have no doubt seen the word discreet thrown around. Discreet only. I’m discreet, you be too. Things like that. Guess what? No. Now I realise that not everyone is lucky enough to be out and proud and be accepted. Not everyone has a workplace that will understand their sexuality and I have no argument against any of that. It would be terrible not being able to come out and be yourself.

I would hazard a guess that most guys who use the word discreet to describe themselves or what they are looking for are actually not supposed to be doing what they are doing. They are quite likely cheating on a girlfriend, wife, boyfriend or husband and given my dread of ever being cheated on, no matter how likely or unlikely, I won’t help someone else cheat or be the other man.

The other reason and the main reason I don’t do discreet is the fact that without people standing up and being open about who they are, the equality movement would have gone nowhere. In 1978 a bunch of LGBT men and women walked up Oxford Street in Sydney as a protest for rights and they were all promptly arrested and named in the paper. Lots of people lost their jobs but they felt that the fight for equality was important enough for that. The same way I get angry with masculine gay men putting down camp or flamboyant guys. If we all blended into the crowd then progress wouldn’t have even begun, let alone moved along to the point where gay marriage is celebrated in several countries.

So, I won’t be discreet. I want to walk down the street holding the hand of my partner (if he ever comes along). I’ve had my coming out process many years ago and I’m not going back in for anyone. By being visible and happy we give kids struggling with their sexuality a bit of hope and add weight to the fight for equality. Hell, I will even wave a flag if that helps. I’ve done it before and I’d do it again.