Last night was a real eye opener for me. I was at a party with a bunch of mates and it was a fun boisterous party that included a fair bit of alcohol consumption. It was also a party where a bit of hooking up started to happen. Late in the evening, tiredness and alcohol started to take their toll and it would appear that a couple of people, myself included let our insecurities gatecrash the party.
In the cold light of day today, sober and after a sleep, the issues have diminished but basically when people started hooking up at the party I got depressed because I felt left out and once again I felt like no one was interested in me. Rational thought has resumed in my brain today so I can honestly say that I was never really going to hook up at the party last night because almost the entire party was made up of friends and we aren’t on the radar for sex or relationships with each other.
Through a couple of conversations last night around the time I was having my meltdown, and at least one other was having a similar situation, it came to light that two of the guys with the best and most beautiful bodies at the party HATE their bodies and have major hangups with confidence and body image. I’ve held the opinion for some time now that I believe a LOT of gay men have some form of body dysmorphia. It was quite eye opening to hear these two guys separately talking about how they perceive their bodies and how different that perception is to how the rest of the world see them. I’m fully aware that I probably don’t see myself as others see me but I’m beginning to think that very few people do.
As a result of last night and a general frustration with myself I’m pledging to make more of an effort to eat right and look after myself. Not just for vanity reasons but more for wellbeing. I haven’t been eating well lately and I can feel it. Work is getting busy again for the next few months and I need to be sharp and feeling good with energy or I’m going to get sick. A bit of TLC for yourself is never a bad thing.