When one is in the mood for adult company and using the various apps to find a gentleman caller it seems such folly and a frivolous waste of time to engage in conversation. It’s much more practical and seductive to limit your conversation to two or three characters such as “Hi” “Hey” or “Fun?” because one knows it’s much more alluring to have a dalliance with someone who doesn’t feel the need to put effort into nice polite behaviour. After all, if that’s how the amount of effort the suitor will expend trying to get to know you, imagine the lengths they probably won’t go to actually impress you in the bedroom.

We all know the semi-mute, faceless people on the apps are by far the best in the bedroom. Of course, they never flake on you, lie to you about their age/weight/status and they will be the most attentive lovers one has ever had. If anyone spies me on one of these apps, please persist in using a one word seduction technique. It does turn me on so, especially when combined with no photo, racist comments, the word discreet and a line like “must be hot.”

It doesn’t take a lot to turn my head, but please, don’t bother with effort, it’s too old fashioned. We are only going to try and be inside each other, no need for manners.