After my post on Sunday night about catching up with the guy I have and will always have a soft spot for, I got a message from a dear friend that I know through blogging. He is concerned about how hard on myself I’m being of late. To be honest I didn’t even think I was but we never recognise our own bad behaviour do we? I had a similar conversation with this friend several months ago about his own self destructive behaviour and challenged him not to use his weight as a defense mechanism, almost daring people to reject him because he’s overweight. He agreed to take on that challenge and has issued me a similar one not to be negative all the time about myself. That is a challenge that I’ve been failing a bit lately.
It took a long time to shake off the gloom that catching up with my crush on Sunday left me with. I really enjoyed catching up with him but left wanting to curl up in his arms but knowing I amost certainly never will. After being single for the greater part of my adult life and going on a lot of dates, finding that people I’m attracted to aren’t interested isn’t a new concept and nor do I take it personally 90% of the time. After all, no one is everyone’s cup of tea and I’ve certainly been on dates with lovely guys that just didn’t romantically work for me.
The challenge now is for me to not get caught up in negative self talk when someone isn’t interested or even when I’m just in a “wishing I was half of a couple” mood. I said in a recent post that the only common denominator in all of my shitty dating disasters was me, but I need to remind myself that they aren’t necessarily shitty because of me.
I’ve never been one for singing my own praises. My mother is a firm believer in humility and modesty, but I think at times I’ve taken that way too far and my lack of confidence in dating and sex is now becoming a real problem. So you’ll never get me talking about how awesome I am but I will endeavour not to put myself down or hand people reasons not to date me any more.