Today marks 7 weeks since the surgery to reconnect the tendons to the bone, joining my biceps to my elbows so that I can do all the important things in life like masturbate, handstands, hug properly and circus classes.

My muscles are wasting away and it’s disturbing to be able to watch that happen and not be able to do anything about it. Yes, I’m vain. We know that. I’ve never wanted to work out more than I do now, but I can’t do any real exercise involving my arms for another 4+ months. August 23rd will be 6 months after the surgery and I’m going to make those teeny tiny weights in the gym my bitch!

I am already back in the gym doing something that I’ve always feared and loathed, cardio. Without circus or weight training I don’t want to fall apart entirely and it’s a good opportunity to address the padding that has gently crept up around my waist in the past 2 years of poor dietary discipline. That’s what I’m trying to convince myself anyway. Cardio and I have always had an uneasy relationship. We bicker a lot. Cardio wants to spend too much time with me but I like independence from cardio having never really needed to bond. Now sadly I think we are heading for a codependent relationship. Sure, it will be beneficial, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.

So, after the progress visit to the surgeon last week, I am now officially allowed to straighten my arms and lift TWO WHOLE KILOS. That translates to 4.4lb and I’m working on the assumption that it’s in each hand, just to be practical, selfish and defiant if nothing else.