Well, two weeks after my boyfriend ended things, the reality has set in. The first weekend I was riding an emotional roller coaster. Angry, sad, accepting or empty whatever that hour decided it wanted to be. For the two weeks since, I’ve mostly been pretty accepting and comfortable with the situation, although I wouldn’t say I was happy about it.
This weekend has been different though. Friday night I was home alone and feeling bored and lonely and promptly burst into tears so I took myself off to bed. Yesterday I was fine, the sun was out and I was busy. I tentatively downloaded Grindr on to my phone, even though I really don’t want to hook up with anyone at this stage, it’s a gentle way of seeing what’s going on.
I don’t know if it was the Grindr thing or not but the realisation that I am looking down the barrell of bad dates, awkward coffees and shallow sex, good and bad, has made me really sad. For nearly ten months I had someone to cuddle, laugh with and do all those fantastic couple things with and now I don’t. If I have to be single again for another 10 years before I meet someone, that is NOT going to make me happy.