Tomorrow, Saturday 21st May 2011 is apparently going to see “The Rapture” ie the end of days or the day of reckoning. I have a couple of questions about it as it’s creating some dilemmas for me.

Firstly, I have some grand plans like publishing an Aussielicious Book, having another exhibition, getting married etc. Some are more long term than others of course but I would like to see them through to fruition. I’m assuming that because it’s the evil gays that are bringing the rapture upon us that I will be burning in hell for eternity so I should probably just abandon my plans now?

If however I do end up in God’s warm embrace for eternity basking in the glow of his love, will my plans and dreams all be automatically fulfilled given that everything goes to plan in heaven? That feels like a bit of a lazy cheaters way of achieving things to me.

Going to heaven also brings up some other issues. According to some religions I’m going to be presented with 47 virgins upon my arrival. That’s very generous but even if god does forgive my evil homosexual ways I’m assuming the virgins will be female which feels like it would be somewhat of  a punishment rather than a reward. I have nothing against women of course, some of my best relatives and friends are female, mum for instance, but I don’t consider 47 inexperienced sexual partners not of my regular choosing to be much of a reward.

One last question. With various time zones around the world, am I to assume that the US will see the Rapture some 15-20 hours after those of us here in Australia? We’ll only get two hours warning from the light cast by New Zealand burning into flames (they are all heading south surely) which isn’t much time to say my goodbyes.