Once upon a time in a land far far too close to home, there was a young prince waiting for his Prince Charming. He occupied his days and nights doing things that made him happy but couldn’t help but think it would be nice to have someone hold his hand on the way to Grandma’s house and keep him safe from the Big Bad Bear Wolf. Sure there was the odd encounter on the way, in the woods with the woodsman and his big chopper but that didn’t make the young prince as happy as maybe it should.

The young prince socialised a lot with the seven dwarves but even laid end to end they didn’t make a Prince Charming, even two at once. They were a nice distraction from going to the local castle and being subjected to villainy of the Wicked Queens.

Along the way the young prince had kissed a lot of frogs, but sadly the magic just wasn’t there and Prince Charming didn’t appear. Pinoccio had been a lot of fun, but with all the lies the only thing that grew was the distrust, his nose wasn’t as big as Pinoccio thought it was so the young prince banished him back to the other land far far away.

Goldilocks only turned out to be a typical Gen Y twink that thought he could just come on in and take whatever he thought but he ran off when he heard about the bears. Not that I could blame him. They scare me a touch, but they are a lot more friendly than Cinderfella’s wicked step-sistas out Neverland. Captain Hook, if you are going to hang out in Neverland, you may dress like Peter Pan but really you look like the ticking crocodile.

So the young prince contented himself to spinning on his silks waiting for a prick from someone a little more special than Rumplestilskin but was fast coming to the conclusion that Prince Charming was riding a lame horse. It was high time Prince Charming traded in his lame horse for some magic beans because the young prince was hoping to climb his beanstalk to live happily ever after.

Sitting in his Ivory Tower the young Prince came to a conclusion that perhaps HE should try to be more of a Prince Charming, get back on his horse and take his magic slipper out for a few fittings himself.