Recently I proposed to a friend that we should start our own monastery. There is a theory behind such a move, even though I’ve loudly proclaimed my stand against organised religion. The theory began with the thought that I am not a wealthy man, probably not technically ruled by poverty, but far from loaded. I’m also a man who isn’t far from celibate most of the time. So I figured living a blissful, peaceful existence somewhere wouldn’t be much of a stretch.

And don’t panic faithful readers, this would be a very forward monastery. Internet access allowed.

We are going to build our men only, gay-or-at-least-curious monastery in the hinterlands of the Queensland Sunshine Coast. The reason behind that move is that the robes are lightweight and will be entirely optional. In fact nudity will be encouraged, for it’s purity of course. The robes will also be blue. God knows orange does NOTHING for my complexion at all and blue brings out my eyes! If anyone asks it’s because we are representing the beautiful sky that will shine down on us, or something like that anyway.

Our rituals are all yet to be fully fleshed out, but they shall include communal bathing every day in the stream that meanders beautifully through our property with thermal springs keeping the water at a perfect temperature all year round. There may or may not be an initiation ceremony. We kinda got stuck on the naked men bathing communally.