Comments on: Where to fit in.

By: Isobel Jones

Isobel Jones — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 14:16:21 +0000

I’m fascinated by the diverse range of views and opinions. Who’s your “go to” guy?

By: Jeff

Jeff — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 09:03:44 +0000

Agree with David. Check out the ‘Freedom 2 be’ web site. Heaps of good personal stories. I have also attended their regular get togethers in Sydney which provides a really good cruise-free zone to connect with people from a church background.

By: dj

dj — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 00:31:11 +0000

About the Christian thing from an atheists perspective. I 100% agree with the notion that you were made the way you were made. The creators, your parents, made you, and raised you. As a result you are who you are. Be proud of that! Further, if your creators can’t accept you, please explain that their acceptance is neither required nor desired. Their unconditional love, however, is most welcome. (Paraphrasing “To Wong Fu.”)

Finally, you dear sweet country athletic bloke, relax. Do you have any idea how lucky you are to be gay in this day of the internet. There are so many outlets for you to reach out beyond your small town and the small minded people in it. There are so many online resources for you. All is not lost.

Find the joy of loving your country life, of being an athlete. Those things make you happy. You are so lucky to have a least some things that make you happy. In the mean time, jack off a lot! Take your horse out for a ride, get naked, and wank. Sit in front of your computer, watch gay porn, and wank. Trust me, sometimes wanking is much better than having sex with another.

By: dj

dj — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 00:30:06 +0000

That is a long-winded way of saying that the gentleman of whom you write is not alone in not “fitting in.” There is no such thing as “fitting in” anymore. We are all unique. “We’re here, we’re queer, get used to it!” We exist everywhere. Certainly in some scenes it is easier to find another to be with than others but it doesn’t mean that it is impossible. One’s inability to find another is absolutely no reason to commit suicide.

What happens if one commits suicide? Will they then find love? Will they then finally get their families approval? Will it then make them happy? I say no. It will then make them dead.

By: dj

dj — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 00:29:03 +0000

There may be one overriding stereotype that still exists. That gay men are promiscuous. I reject the notion that this stereotype is unique to gay men. There are too many straight men that want to and do get laid by different women as often as possible. Wanting sex all of the time is a stereotype of being a man. For me, there is nothing wrong with that!

With regard to “gay culture” I can only think that today’s culture is an amalgam of all gay “scenes.” We must all be inclusive of every other. Sadly, too often, we are not.

By: dj

dj — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 00:26:10 +0000

The “stereotype of gay culture”? What is the stereotype and what is gay culture in this day and age?

It seems to me that in the past the “stereotype” was a nelly effeminate man that swished when he walked or dressed in drag. But that is ancient history. Too much time, effort, and progress has been made in the gay world for that stereotype to hold true any longer.

IMHO, there is no longer a true stereotype. In fact I wonder if, in the last 30-40 years there is one single stereotype? Sure there is a hold over, in the straight world and too often in the gay world, from days gone by, but those days are over. For every club kid, leather queen, sweater queen, bear, there are just blokes that like to watch and play sports, drink beer, tell fart jokes, ride horses, build things; are scientists, doctors, lawyers, teachers, insurance agents, garbage men, etc. that don’t fit into “the Oxford Street, Castro, SoHo, Village, 4th Quarter, Charlottenburg scene.” Nor do they want to. They quite likely would like nothing more than to be a part of their own scenes, whatever they are and that have nothing to do with being party boys.

By: dj

dj — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 00:24:51 +0000

Brenton,

Love your work. Thanks for posting this post.

I’ve figured out that one cannot post pages. I’ll give it to you in increments.

By: dj

dj — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 23:47:57 +0000

“Fitting in” is a false construct. Many of the boys in the “scene” are wondering, do I fit in, am I fitting in, I hope I fit in.

We all want to fit in but so often don’t and just pretend. Is that the “stereotypical gay culture”?

I had much more to say but my comments were too spammy. :(

By: Michaelzer0

Michaelzer0 — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 10:12:23 +0000

If your not career gay or typical gay ( too country too old too asian too..? ) you have to actively construct an identity you are happy with. I came out as gayman in my early 40s with three children -I do have different expectations, habits beliefs than my gay contempories who survived the aids crisis and buried many of their friends while I was changing nappies and attending kindergarten committee meetings!
I cam across Julia Cameron’s “The Artists WAy”and this helped me develop the courage I needed to leave my wife and start again. For me my art is essential in constructing my identity..and Brenton there is something more mainstream gays can do for those who dont fit in -highlight a bigger range of of ages races and experience in your blog!

By: John

John — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 04:44:29 +0000

I totally agree to where he is coming from. I have been gay so many years now, that I have lost count. But I have always had trouble fitting in. Ben told I am too gay or not gay enough or just a gay that should be find somewhere else in the community to fit in. But I still exist, I have coped with it and you do. there is nothing wrong with being different. It is the gay community, itself. as it is very judgemental and discriminating of it’s own members. As it is a very superficial community. You will find your place, or it will find you