My previous post about an accidental “outing” got me thinking about coming out and what happens if it’s taken out of your hands. I went from being totally in denial, not even acknowledging my sexuality to myself, to being out to my friends and family and having a first boyfriend under my belt in the space of a year. Is it better to be in or out? Who the hell knows? People need to do it when they are ready, at their own pace.

I was living with my sister at the time I came out and she wasn’t coping with knowing and not being able to talk to our mother, so we agreed that I would tell them. The night came and there wasn’t a good time. My sister said if I didn’t do it, she was going to. I replied that if she did that, then I no longer had a sister. It happened and in the subsequent years my sister has apologised for putting me in that position.

In the 90’s there was a movement to “out” public figures whether they wanted it or not, in the name of raising the profile of the gay movement. As much as I want equality in all forms for the LGBT communities around the globe, I don’t think it’s right to take the right to come out or not to come out at their own leasure, from the individual. I do have a problem with public figures who are publicly anti-gay but leading a double life.

Coming out is a very stressful and personal experience for each individual. For anyone deliberating coming out, take a deep breath, take your time and fingers crossed it will be ok.