My previous post about an accidental “outing” got me thinking about coming out and what happens if it’s taken out of your hands. I went from being totally in denial, not even acknowledging my sexuality to myself, to being out to my friends and family and having a first boyfriend under my belt in the space of a year. Is it better to be in or out? Who the hell knows? People need to do it when they are ready, at their own pace.
I was living with my sister at the time I came out and she wasn’t coping with knowing and not being able to talk to our mother, so we agreed that I would tell them. The night came and there wasn’t a good time. My sister said if I didn’t do it, she was going to. I replied that if she did that, then I no longer had a sister. It happened and in the subsequent years my sister has apologised for putting me in that position.
In the 90’s there was a movement to “out” public figures whether they wanted it or not, in the name of raising the profile of the gay movement. As much as I want equality in all forms for the LGBT communities around the globe, I don’t think it’s right to take the right to come out or not to come out at their own leasure, from the individual. I do have a problem with public figures who are publicly anti-gay but leading a double life.
Coming out is a very stressful and personal experience for each individual. For anyone deliberating coming out, take a deep breath, take your time and fingers crossed it will be ok.
this post definitely struck me. i am a male and live in the states and about 4 months ago, i had hooked up with another male. im a trusting person, and stupidly assumed there was a trust between us since he was out and i was not. about 2 months ago, he ended up telling one of my best friends because he thought she was mad at him. she came to me after she had discussed it with two of my other best friends. i felt so violated and vulnerable. i didnt choose to be this way. i felt like i had no control over my situation and what i had control of was who i was going to tell, how i was going to tell them, and when i would. that was completely taken away from me in regard to my 3 best friends. everything is fine now and im glad it happened because im in a better position that i was, but i still lost that moment with each of the three of them. thanks for the last few lines in the post as well. its more encouraging than you know.
Kirby Dick had a documentary out earlier this year called OUTRAGE, which exposed hypocritical politicians and high profile news persons that actively caused harm to gay causes. He left the closeted individuals that were not party to any decision making that impacted gay causes alone. In an interview Kirby said that if the person was known to be gay and had voted for legislation that had a damaging impact on homosexuals they needed to answer for their actions.
We must defend equality, at any cost.
The one issue with outing hypocrites I could never fix the logic of is that it made it a punishment to say somebody is gay.