This weekend I headed down the south coast of NSW with my family to go to my cousin’s 21st birthday. Friday night, after we’d all settled in and my Dad was long asleep, my mother my sister and I sat up chatting about all sorts of things. I had no intention of bringing up my meltdown last week or the things I felt like I needed to hear from my mother but over the course of a couple of hours somehow, very naturally and organically, we ended up there.
Basically the disappointment and disapproval I had thought I felt from my mother was actually love and concern and worry that I was going to be ok. My mother is from a generation and environment that doesn’t understand homosexuality, like a lot of parents, and somewhere between me coming out nearly ten years ago and friday night, we’d developed a great divide between what we thought and what the other was feeling. To say it was a relief is a huge understatement.
Having my sister there also helped. She’s definitely somewhere between my mother and I in terms of her thinking. She’s more conservative than me but more liberal than my mother. She helped my mother understand a couple of things that she misunderstood.
Now that I’m on the road to a better place, I’m thinking it’s time for a bit more therapy to help myself along a bit more. Let’s see if I can’t shake these demons a bit more.
congratulations! This is a very important step, good on you for taking it.
That’s fantastic to read, Brenton! :) x
Sometimes it takes only a conversation to set things straight. The next step is something you have to do yourself, at least you can shed a 10-year burden.
Good for you Brenton! In time, I hope you can expand upon some of the pertinent details that might help some of us get through the similar process with our own families.
good news – take it one step at a time
Hi Brenton. You should check out the book ‘Men Who Love Men’ by William J Mann. It’s a bit of a trashy novel (and annoyingly sentimental at times), but it’s got a good message in it for us single fellows :)
CHEERS GOOD FOR YOU !
New Years Eve a few years ago I was sitting around the fire talking to an old school friend when his 5 year old son ran past with a wand & fairy wings playing with the girls. “I’m sure he’s gay and I love him so much I din’t want him to have a hard life” he had tears in his eyes as he said it; I gained a new insight from that. Walter loves Michael, I thought a lot about my dad that night.
Hey Brenton, I cannot even begin to expres the intense joy and relief I feel for you, reading this great news! I had a similar experience with my family. In the end it all boils down to one big secret: open, straightforward, honest conversation is all it takes, and having the guts to take the risk and put it all out there. But one needs to be in that place where you can take the risk. Now that you are there, keep taking the risk…..they all love you, and they’ll be there for you. Good luck!