Today has been a really rough day for me. I’m not entirely sure why. There have been a couple of things going on which should be really positive things but have been throwing me off balance for some reason. My flatmate has now officially been infected with my love ebola virus. For those not familiar, people around me seem to catch relationships whether they want to or not. So that threw me a bit. To be honest I love seeing people special to me finding happiness but it does get a bit tiring that it’s never me.
If I’m brutally honest with myself, which I’m increasingly trying to be, I need to snap out of my lack of confidence and constant negative self image. Why the hell would someone else be happy with me if I can’t be? I am trying to focus on myself, what makes me happy and getting content with myself before I even contemplate finding Mr Right.
There is another issue with my family that I feel I need to address but don’t know if what I’m seeing as an issue is really there or an incorrect perception of a situation. It’s a big one to me but fairly simply resolved but it means I have to broach the subject of my sexuality in an emotional conversation with my mother. She’s not comfortable talking about my sexuality nor emotional stuff in general. So… I’m trying to regain the balance. I do love my life, but the last few days it’s been hard to see the fun for the chores.
The most frustrating thing is when you aint looking for a relationship (and you REALLY don’t really want one), you get loads of suiters. Then when you DO want one, it’s a total desert of man love. The trick is to give up looking and just accept the singularity. (But then you have to make sure you’re not telling yourself you’re not looking when your subsconscious still is).
And the brain starts to bleed…
Brenton
It’s almost as if I wrote that myself. Same situation here, same position. Going on 2 1/2 years single and it has been recently that I realized that I need to get to the happy place first before it gets put on hold becasue of a relationship. The hard part of it? Trying to figure out what keeps “bringing me down” In other words, what are those factors that bring the negativity back all the time? That is the hardest part. Once those get figured out, hopefully, the rest falls in place.
Hey B, I was at the dinner on Sunday and great to meet you, amongst some lovely friends and great place to share a few relaxing hours.
Interesting site that I can see needs some hours exploring.
Cya sometime, S
Hi Brenton,
Long time reader first time poster..
I’ve been single for 4 years and I am now a month into a new relationship that is going really well. I didn’t look for it, but I let it happen. It’s very early days and if it doesn’t work out then so what. From what I have seen of you, you have nothing to worry about.
Love DREW x
Thinking of you
Hang in there dude, there’s a lot of us out here in internet land who really enjoy your blog and wish you all the happiness you deserve.
Cheers from LA. I too have followed your blog for quite some time, and this is my first post. I too feel your relationship ache. I’ve had such horrible bad luck with dating and sex the last two years that its actually a joke amongst my good friends. They thought I made my stories up, but totally got my frustration when they saw it for themselves. Fortunately I’ve learned to laugh at it and just have fun. It is what it is. I’ve accepted the fact that I might just be single forever and that I’m just one of those that doesn’t benefit from being with someone special. At the same time, I continue to work on myself, love myself, and find out what makes me happy. That’s a lifetime journey and not something that you can just check off your list. I hate telling people what they want to hear or dishing out those cheesy saying like “stop looking and it will happen”, but I do think that things happen or don’t happen for a reason. Hopefully one day we’ll know why. You never who or what is around the corner every single day. I continue to be surprised.
Chris
Brenton,
Also a first time poster to your wonderful blog. The others have written good advice regarding your search for a boyfriend. I am going to heed some of that advice for myself.
As for your family, I understand your concern. I recently moved to be closer to my Mom and Brother. And for what ever reason my brother can’t even stay in the same room with me when visiting his house. I have been out for 30 years. I just spent the last couple of days with my mother and mentioned that I would like to find someone so I would not feel so alone in this new place. She did not even acknowledge my comment, she quickly asked which plants I was going to dig up for my new property. I have learned to let her inability to not talk about my lifestyle not to bother me, its the way she was raised, and the belief that out of 5 children she would have more than 1 grandchild. 3 of us are gay. Before I get to rambling, I guess the point is, don’t try to change the way she views your life. She still loves you no matter what, I know from experience. Good luck, and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Hi Brenton,
I think what your feeling is perfectly normal. I to have witnessed my friends fall into relationships like getting wet on a rainy day. However, it seems as though I am covered by a giant umbrella.
It will happen when it’s supposed to. I have been given so much advice over the years. The best thing I could tell you is to let it happen, don’t make it happen. I honestly believe the best is yet to come. You will find the man of your dreams.
The situation with your family is sort of tough. I have a similar situation with mine. They suspect, but don’t really know a lot about my life. Some are ok with the way I live my life, and others just never talk about it. I know they love me, they may not be able to say it, but they do. Your mom and brother love you. Some people just have a hard time dealing with the unknown to them. There will come a day when what they are feeling will be thing of the past. The only thing you can do is love them, and never let them forget how much you do.
I know everything will work out for you. It will happen when it’s the right time. You have helped so many people around the world by having the website. I thank you, you are truly a great person.
another “first time posting”: me – cheers, from Brazil; thanks for your blog; we are all looking for love, even lots of people who are already dating or married or any other “arrangement”; sometimes we do, sometimes we don`t. I`m sure you will find it and you`ll get the best love of all your dreams. As for the family, do you really need to have a better relationship with them? Do you really need to get better understanding from them? If you do, say it plainly, even if the reaction may be totally screwed… say it by saying “I need this and that from you. Can you give it to me?”. The worst thing is to have all those clouds on the way and not being able to know exactly what is going on. If they can understand, they will. If they can`t, they won`t and you will have to work it out by yourself anyway. Be brave. thanks again (for sharing and for the delicious posts you keep giving us all around the globe)
Hey B
Sorry been away for a few days so this is a little late in coming and shannon pretty much said every thing that needs to be said but also you can’t keep doing this to yourself you tied yourself up in knots and it’s not a good thing you have to keep in mind your energy that your putting out there good energy out good energy back sounds corny but I’m in the same place as you and thats what I been told by more then one person so keep the the good energy following
LOVE YA MORE THEN MY LUGGAGE :)
Hi B
first time poster here as well.
Thanks for your site and for your honesty and courage in expressing
what you did
im in the same place as you so can relate
i admire your openness and think your great!
Brenton, it is impossible for you to find and keep a guy not because you don’t love yourself enough, but because of the exact opposite. You seem completely obsessed with yourself. It’s all “me, me, me”. How can you ever have a successful relationship with someone ELSE when it’s all about yourSELF? Short answer: you can’t.
awww sorry you were having a bad week… just found your blog from dave evans….. anyways hope everything is looking up now :)