Tonight was the culmination of several days of anxiousness and stress. I’ve not long got home from my aerial silks class which was, on a personal level, a total disaster but probably something that needed to happen. I had a spectacular routine mapped out that I was going to work on but for some reason my confidence was really low, I felt unsafe and insecure up on the silks.

One good thing that will come out of it is that my teacher this term is really pushing the performance aspect rather than just the big tricks. So with her guidance we have stripped my routine right back to a handful of small tricks and I’m focussing on REALLY performing and linking movements well, which is not a strong point of mine and is actually quite confronting and challenging.

I was already emotionally exhausted by the time I arrived at class after days of over-analysing the situation with Irishman. There were a couple of issues that I was having with the relationship and my gut was telling me to leave it behind. Then Irishman was out of contact ALL weekend which was unusual. Turns out he’s dealing with a HUGE amount of emotional family issues and over working himself on top of being too soon out of a bad relationship when we met. So, mercifully, we’ve put the relationship out of it’s misery and will continue as friends. That man has an enormous heart and needs to focus all of it’s strengths on himself for once. With better timing and different circumstances I can see myself looking into his blue eyes for a very long time, but it’s just not to be.