Over the last couple of years I’ve been like a weary traveller stuck in an airport clinging wildly to my baggage refusing to just accept that I’m stuck in transit and have fun. SO in an attempt to divest myself of excess baggage and stop looking for my white picket home, I’m catching the bus.
Namely the slut bus to whoretown. I think my problem with the scene in sydney is, yes the attitude, but also that I’m jealous of everyone’s outward confidence and ability to put themselves out and about either sexually or just in general. I haven’t had the confidence to do either for a while. I’m trying to reclaim my inner slut and just get some damned action which apparently is harder than it seems. My slut bus seems to be hell bent on breaking down or is busy ferrying the special needs kids to school. I’m determined to keep trying though.
I was online tonight and ran into someone I know through the mardi gras parade and he laughed that my profile said versatile. Insinuating in a very derogatory tone that he knows that I’m a big bottom. If I were, I’d happily admit it. He came to this conclusion because I have several photos of my butt on my profile “and other reasons” which he wouldn’t clarify. Now I don’t care if people do think I’m a bottom. That’s an assumption lots of people have made over the years. In my younger days, apparently blonde and slim visually translates to insatiable bottom. What I was upset about was the tone that being a bottom was lesser somehow than being a top. Why do we do that? Tops would be nowhere without the bottoms that some of them seem to look down on psychologically as much as physically.
I found that its a whole of society thing. People are happier making assumptions – that way their own personal views never get challenged and they laugh off attempts to do so. What they don’t get is that the laugh is on them :)
Assumptions get made because it is easier than thinking.
That’s an interesting one. In addition to the comments already posted, I think that your “friend” may have exposed his limited sexual experience.
As another “versatile” I know there are some pretty passive “tops” out there. These are men who need their partner to do a whole lot of work. And not all “bottoms” lie there and take it like a “blow-up” doll.
I had a regular partner many years ago who loved “russian roulette”. He’d fuck me until he was close to coming and then I’d fuck him. Same deal. We’d go on swapping over for hours. The loser was the one who came first!
It’s a bit like the oral thing. I think I am good at it, because I know what gets my juices flowing when a man is giving me head, and I apply what I know to my partners when I am happily fellating them. Same with being fucked. I know what I like from a bottom, and I give it to men who top me.
Maybe your friend equates top / bottom with active / passive. His mistake.
A guy may prefer one or the other position / role. Fine. Be good at it. But recognise that your partner may like to flip-flop occasionally. And don’t pigeon-hole other people who express an alternative preference.
That sounds like homophobia to me…
Cheers, Polomint
When people make assumptions about you, it’s really a reflection of how they feel about themselves.
I agree with Benjamin…it’s all about mirrors that reflect ourselves.
I don’t understand the fascination of people thinking you have to be a top or a bottom….it’s way more fun being both…so enjoy your versatility!
I say let people think what they want, if there is someone that you want to hook up with then maybe they would like to take turns, so to speak. I don’t know many guys that are total tops or total botttoms. I consider myself to be a top, but the last several years I have found myself more on the bottom. As far as finding someone for a relationship, just be yourself and the right guy will come along. It may take a while, but they will come. I was in a relatioship that ended after 6 1/2 years in 2000 and I have have a few boyfriends here and there, none of which lasted a full year, and now after a 2 year dry spell of no b/f and no sex, I have meet a wonderful guy and all I did to get him was be myself. So, no need to take the slut bus, just hold on to your ticket and eventually, the right bus will be ready for boarding.
I think the derogatory attitude towards bottoms is internalised homophobia and a littlt misogynistic – that somehow guys who bottom are ‘less than’ guys who top as straight guys penetrate women and are therefore superior. Therefore, tops who penetrate bottoms must also be superior, or ‘more masculine’. It’s all totally screwed up as tops are still screwing men. Until gay men learn to accept and explore all facets of their sexuality and stop (on some level) seeing gay as being less than straight then the whole fear of being perceived as a bottom will persist.
From what I can see of you on here I don’t get a bottom vibe, but I’m also on the other side of the planet. Versatile bottom here who has no problems stating his preferences.
Part of why (stupid) people think they can look down on bottoms is from that question gay couples sometimes get: “So which one of you is the woman?” Internalized homophobia and misogyny.
In many cultures you are also not considered gay when you are a top (buahahahaha)
Hey reading this tonight has hit the nail on the head for me because i am right there behined you on that bus line . I have to say these guy have some really good advise . Thanks I needed this
Your friend sounds like someone who thinks a bottom just lies there more or less inert. A good bottom is a rare and wondrous thing, and it takes determination and focus to develop the skills. Maybe he thinks all it takes to be a top is the preference to poke a hole, too? Good sex is never one-way sex; both partners have to be willing to devote time, energy, and concentration, and an interest in what their partner is experiencing.
I remember the Slut Bus…..used to have a lifetime pass! But, now I ride a unicycle.
And, remember the old saying….’I'm more of a man than you’ll ever be…and more of a woman than you’ll ever get!’
^^X^^
I have found over the years, that people who are “out there” as just bottoms or tops are pretty narrow and disappointing They don’t get
the proposition that by being versatile and with a man, is what it’s really all about.
Brenton,
It is tough to soar like an eagle when you are surrounded by turkeys. This guy probably has his own baggage and he is acting out in his own way.
You strike me as a considerate person who respects others. Sadly, this is not always the case no matter where you live or your sexual identity. I’ve come to realize being a prick is a dominant gene.
If you want to get your ‘inner’ slut on – go for it and screw those too close minded to get beyond their own hang-ups or prejudices.
FYI – I met my partner drunk on a dance floor here in Boston 10 years ago so who knows where or when you might meet someone.
BosGuy
It could be that you got off the ‘slut bus’ because it wasn’t what you really want. All this talk about exclusive top/bottom dynamics is moot when you have someone to explore all this with you in depth and over time.
I wish i had some magic words to give you to help find this person, but I don’t think they exist. The only advice I can think of is get away from the ‘usual’ hookup routes, and look in unexpected places and be open to whatever happens. But re-reading that, even that sounds trite. Sorry.
Enjoy the ride, take a coat, the end of the line is a long way off.
I blame 80’s porn for the young + slender + blond = bottom; I used to get that all the time from the Castro Clones, till they got me home and I’d drop my Stubbies.
Is my age is showing?
Several of the comments here were right on the money. Speaking as a total top, I learned several years back that…well…bottoms rule. Without them, we’d all be stuck with our prick in our hand. So, I am VERY grateful for bottoms (or “versatile” guys). And although sexually I am just plain wired to like putting my cock in a guy’s hole, that doesn’t make me “more” masculine in or out of bed. In fact, although I am a very masculine bloke, I have come across circumstances where I have taken a more “passive” role to a bottom who gets off on dominating (i.e. commanding) the top. So, to eccho the sentiments above, sex is really all in your head. If you are feeling superior because your a top, then just go on then if that’s what gets you through the day. But don’t expect a lot of repeats.