There is a lot of stuff said about “straight acting” and often online you see guys say things like “If you saw me in the street you’d never pick me as gay”. Quite frankly I find all that a bunch of self loathing homophobia from guys who aren’t comfortable being gay. My lesbian flatmate and I just had a conversation about someone I know. I was saying that I was pretty confident that this girl was a dyke even though I’d only met her once. She is a friend on facebook and she has lots of photos of a camping trip. Unusual? Not so much, but all the other campers were woment too. I can pretty safely say, I don’t know any straight women that go camping in groups. Thus my conclusion that she is a lesbian.
There is a guy at the gym that I’ve mentioned on here before that I see at the gym from time to time. I wasn’t sure he was gay til I saw him at the Kylie concert with two male friends. Straight boys don’t go to Kylie concerts in groups. It’s just not something they do. We discussed that a few years back you used to be able to tell the gay boys from the straight in the gym because they groomed their nether regions. Not so anymore. Apart from Kylie concerts (or other very much loved by the gays divas) are there any non-sexual activities that straight guys simply don’t do in groups?
I work in a Starbucks in a supermarket. I find that straight boys don’t usually go grocery shopping together. Especially putting the groceries in the same cart. Big signal flare!
Perhaps the self loathing you see in people who describe themselves as straight acting is more a way of dissociating themselves from a stereotypical culture they feel no connection to. Perhaps they do appear to be straight and lack the more classic signs you speak of. But at the end of the day I think diversity is fantastic. We don’t all have to look alike, be identifiable as being gay or be an active part of the gay community. But we can if we want to.
I know straight guys who are big Kylie fans, and straight women who love camping & mountainbiking, even with other girls. The fact that people can be who they want to be without being labelled is fantastic. Life is a broad spectrum just like the rainbow. Let’s enjoy it in all it’s colours without making everyone black or white.
I couldn´t agree more with the comment above.
“The fact that people can be who they want to be without being labelled is fantastic.”
I think that labelling a girl as gay for going camping with friends is awfull. As is labelling guys who go shopping together.
All those attitudes are just opressive, and ridiculous.
Humanity shouldn´t be judged by parameters based on the way the stereotypical members of a minority usually act. I find that most gay people I know, do NOT fit into the gay stereotype AT ALL. And I LOVE that fact, cause it´s living proof that male or female, gay or straight, we are all just people. End of story. STOP THE LABELLING !
But aren’t people who say they’re ‘straight-acting’ labeling themselves?
I’ve considered the label ‘straight-acting’ a somewhat negative thing. TO ME, IN MY OPINION, it’s a fear thing. “God forbid anyone thinks I’m gay.” I think it’s a type of shame because: What’s wrong with being gay??
I know many guys who one would think, “Gay? Nawwww.” (One is a demolitions expert… how butch is that?) but I’ve never heard any of them even mention how they are perceived.
I think actions speak louder than words.
Plus… read what comfortably straight hunk Paul Rudd has to say:
http://www.towleroad.com/2009/03/paul-rudd-i-love-gay-guys-i-feel-pretty-gay.html
I love him!
The phrase “straight-acting” is a bit irritating. The implication being that you’re not good enough as you are so you have to “act” another way. Fuck that, I say. Fuck it with something hard and sand-papery.
i love your blog and have been reading it for years but im suprised and very offended by what you said here. im a proud gay man however noone usually picks me as being gay. this isnt because i “act” straight, i am just myself, the same person ive always been. so under your philisophy, i should NOT be myself, and develop a limp wrist and speak with a lisp???why cant you just accept that a lot of gay people are just regular guys who dont fit the sterotype?
I think the whole “straight acting” phenom stems from gay men who are attracted to the frat-boy type of man and really turned off by the over-the-top effeminate, sports-averse, lisping-type gay stereotype that so dominated the popular concept of “gay” for so long–so much so that they want to be sure they don’t come across that way. Do all types have the right to coexist? Of course. But, as a friend of mine has often observed: “If I were attracted to girls, I would be attracted to girls…”
“I don’t know any straight women that go camping in groups”
So because you don’t know any, they must not exist? And you know so many thousands of straight women that your experience in this regard is meaningful? You’re an idiot.
Oh people for petes sake – its Brentons blog and if you dont like what he says – CONSTRUCTIVELY provide some input or shut the hell up.
As for Pete being a long time reader and suddenly being offended – are you high???? If you ARE who you ARE as you say – you should have the IQ to be able to see this post for what it is – an observation of Brentons. And its completely accurate for the observation he makes.
*I* dont know any str8 women who go camping in groups. I just emailed a work colleague if she did or knew anyone who does and she came back asking me if I was drunk???
These people who are so touchy are the sort that need to seriously critique their OWN thoughts before staring on others.
This is PC extremism and just makes my bowel twist.
Im sorry Brenton if this is not the usual thoughtful and centred commentary you usually get from me – but I abhor stupidity – especially from those who are apparently “informed”.
Hi Brenton,
With such statement, your post was bound to trigger such black & white reaction.
Of course not every girls-only-group camping lady is lesbian, and not every male fan of Kylie is gay. But most most of the are!
In my circle of friends an acquaintances I know two types of straight-acting gay guys.
The ones who happen to be not effeminate and indeed look quite straight.
And there are the straight-acting gay guys who are straight-acting as a statement. Those who don’t like to be associated with the more typically gay queens and things effeminate gays harm the gay cause and their image. It’s a universal phenomenon, I know several guys like that in Belgium and I sometimes wonder why they bother or why they’re frustrated.
Benjamin
But to answer your question “Are there any non-sexual activities that straight guys simply don’t do in groups?”
Shopping, or at least shopping for underwear
Wear each others clothes for fun (and not out of necessity)
But here’s something straight men do in group, and that gays don’t: ‘friendly violence’ as punching each other in the shoulder shouting ‘whazzzup’. It’s so straight being ‘friendly violent’ to show affection.
Benjamin
straight guys dont share deserts !!!!!!!!!
DTNZ – i think you’re the one thats high. My IQ is fine thank you, though I hardly see how someones IQ is relevant to what i said – Brenton made more than an observation he expressed a very strong opinion which i totally disagreed with and im obviously not the only one who disagreed with it . In saying that he is entitled to his opinion as are you , as am i entitled to express mine on what he said. In saying that, as i said i love brentons blog, but people are always going to have different opinions but you dont need to chuck a spazz attack and make personal insults if you dont agree with me
I loved it. It was shallow, vacuous and very sydney queer. No wonder more and more men don’t want to be associated with the it.
And the triumph? pulling out the homophobic card.
Please more insights…. best post for ages
I wonder if it’s a little jealousy? I get told all the time I don’t act the way a stereotypical gay man acts, and my flamboyant friend gets mad. I hate the term “straight acting”, because I’m not acting straight. And I’m not distancing myself from the gay community, I just don’t have a lot in common with most of it. To me, it doesn’t matter if you are masculine or feminine. It’s all about being happy, who cares?
I’m a lesbian-acting gay man because I like camping with women. Sounds like an episode of Rick & Steve.
:)
I have used the term “straight acting” with respect to myself and have had people lash out against it. Much of the criticism is associated the “acting” aspect as though my being a “straight acting” guy is an act, an artifice, a way to hide my true inner nellie because I am full of self loathing. It is not (for me, at least). I am who I am. I’m as gay as the day is long, but people just assume I am straight because my mannerisms are very average. My iPod, though, tells a very different story. LOL
Straight guys dont sleep nude together in the same bed. Do they?