It’s no secret that a relationship is something I want, but every now and then the world conspires to tell me that maybe that’s the dumbest thing I could ever want.

Friends all around me are having relationship troubles. One couple is having major trust issues, leading to major arguments on a semi-regular basis with both of them calling me to discuss issues, but making me swear not to talk to the other one about it. Of course, when you swear, you swear on something important to you. My poor Kylie collection may need an exorcism at this rate.

Another couple swears black and blue that opening up their relationship over a year ago has saved it. To the close but external viewer it looks somewhat like Meryl Streep and Goldie Hawn at the end of Death Becomes Her, something once beautiful but patch and filled and resprayed around the edges. I might have the wrong end of the situation but I’m not coping watching it happen as I care for them both dearly.

The other situation is a love triangle, square… multiple sided shape, that is filled with obsession, lust, new sparks, and old flames. If something’s burning that hot, don’t freaking touch it.

When you’ve got all those people crying on your shoulder and bending your ear you can’t help but end up twisted. Now, if you’ve survived all those mixed metaphors, bizarre likenesses and rants, you’ll understand why I feel like running away to a deserted island alone.