The other day on facebook I saw that Mike, the guy I was going to move to the U.S. for a couple of years ago, had updated his status to being in a relationship. It’s not the first one he’s had since us, the last one was with a porn star, which kinda perfectly suited Mike’s version of monogamy until the porn star wanted too much committment for Mike.
It’s been two years, almost to the day since Mike and I called things off and while I don’t resent him, it’s only recently that I’ve stopped being hurt and angry with him. We’ve stayed in touch and I have a lot of time for him, and while there was no abuse, either physical or emotional, he did hurt me quite a bit. Having said that, I’ve learnt a lot about myself in relationships and I wasn’t totally guilt free, but it has left a few emotional scars.
So it got me thinking, when I realised I was amused by the facebook status update because he wasn’t ready for anything serious but has now had two relationships, how are we supposed to feel when an ex moves on? Of course there are a million factors in the equation, like how long you were together, who ended it, was there cheating or abuse or did things merely just fizzle out. When I see my first boyfriend out, and he’s one of those people who ALWAYS has a boyfriend and is unable to be alone, I want to run up to the boyfriend and scream “RUN!!!”
Brenton, you cant be responsible for other people’s judgement. Whether it be good or bad
Brenton
have a listen to Jessica Mauboys song - Running Back….
be thankful that you are that much further along ..
On that note - how hot was Jessica on Idol…
Ironic it’s the porn star who wanted more committment.
Brenton, I can relate. I wasn’t in an abusive relationship but one where the guy I really cared about had commitment issues. We kept in touch over the years and tried to get back together on two seperate occassions. It didn’t work out. I really still care for him and always will I think, we went through a lot together. I realized the only way for me to move on was to make a clean break and sever all ties. I’ll still cherish the good times.
Shim’tar
One definite thing I have learned (and learned the hard way, I might add) is that it takes two committed people to have a relationship. No matter how bad I want it to work and no matter how hard I try to make it work, it will not without the other party being committed also.
I was in a “relationship” with a guy for over 5 years and one day he tells me that he is in love with a woman and they plan to get married. Needless to say, I was devastated. Spent several years getting over that.
I am now in a great relationship with a very committed man and every time I see the guy from before I think how lucky I am that it didn’t work out. If I were still with him I would have never met the guy I am with now.
Hang in there, Brenton, and never forget that everything happens for a reason. It may not be clear at the time, but eventually it all works out.
Love your blog….
Keep up the great work….
this is a toughy. The evolved thing to do is be happy for him because you really do want him to be happy, even if it’s not with you.
btw…i like your blog, and not just for the nekkid pics. you share yourself in a really open way and i can relate to your life even if it’s on the other side of the globe. just be careful with your silks training, there are things you’re doing to your joints that may have ramifications later in life. everything in moderation my friend!
Interesting timing. Just last week I finally got back in touch with the guy that broke my heart a little over a year ago. He ended things because he too much on his plate to have a relationship. Surprise surprise, in his response to my contact he updates me that not only is he in a relationship, he’s bought a house with the guy. It stung a little, but thankfully I am fully over him. I think you are in the right place for you right now, if the worst you feel is amusement at Mike’s newest “relationship.”
Brenton, if you would really be over it, you would be feeling happy for him. Things can change in two years. He may have changed and be more committed, or maybe he found someone with the same view on monogamy.
I’ve had an ex blog things about me (not about not being committed or being non-monogamous, but other stuff), which can be quite rediculous. Maybe it just wasn’t a match between you two, and now he found someone he’s happy with. Or even if this will be over in two weeks too: it’s no use staying cynical about this forever.