Mr S is a bisexual married man who’s been a reader of Aussielicious for a couple of years now. He was kind enough to take part in this interview for you all to hear about being bisexual and married. Bisexuality is a hot topic among gay people, often doubting it’s true existence. Here’s a man who is adamant it exists.
How old are you? I am 27 years old.
Have you always considered yourself Bi? No. Up until I went to university, I considered myself straight. Yes, as part of playing sports there was some always a lot of banter and goofing around, but I had never given thought to actual sex with a man until later.
What would you estimate the gender ratio of sexual partners has been over the years? Okay, I was kind of a man-slut in my HS and college days, so I would say the gender ratio was about 100-7 over the years, in favor of women.
How long have you been married? A little over 3 years.
Has your wife always known about your bisexuality? Not exactly. I did tell her about a few frat house episodes, but never admitted to full-on bisexuality. She believes those days are long-gone.
How did you tell her? Before I asked her to marry me, I told her I wanted her to be fully aware of what she was getting into with me, so I just flat-out told her everything – all the women, and some of the men.
How often would you estimate you have sex outside your relationship with your wife? About 15 times.
Is the sex outside the marriage only with men or other women too? Only with men. My wife is the only woman with whom I sleep.
Do you think your wife suspects? I don’t think she has any idea.
What would you say to people who think there are no truly bisexual people? That they have no idea what it’s like to be attracted to both genders. I’ve always found both men and women attractive. I now find both genders sexually desirable. My ex-boyfriend finally told his mother and sister that he’s bi and they think bisexuality is just a stop on the train ride to Gaytown. They couldn’t be more wrong, IMO!
If the situation were reversed and you were in a relationship with a man, do you think you would sleep with women on the side? I don’t know. I’ve thought about it and if I were to commit to a relationship with a man, we would be perceived as a gay couple, and I think I would want to honor that perception. But the reality is that I would probably sleep with women on the side.
I’d like to say I’m not proud of cheating with men. It’s that there’s no good societally-acceptable way for bisexuals to exist. I try to minimize it, but sometimes the need for intimacy with a man is just overpowering and I succumb to temptation.
Mr. S. Thanks for being so frank about your relations
Brenton, Thanks for this interview.
Very interesting and yet another reason I am a reader of this blog. Kudos to you both.
Sorry guys. I’ll be the bold one here. Any form of cheating with a man or woman is wrong. This guys wife has no idea and is not able to protect herself. If she is aware of the “flings” with other men and accepts it, then she at least has a choice. Anything less than that is a disservice to her.
Thanks for this interview.
I’d be curious to know more.
Please do a Part 2…!
I strongly agree with Tony’s comment. I have an open mind when it comes to one’s sexuality and lifestyle, as long as no one is being hurt in the process. If he chooses to indulge in his bisexuality, he should be honest with his wife. Thanks…
I agree with Mac and Tony. He wanted to be completely honest with his then-fiancee by telling her about all the women and (some of the) men in his past, yet now that she’s his wife, the honesty goes out the door! Interesting. If he wanted to marry a woman, but continue having sex with both men and women, why not marry a woman who was OK with that arrangement? They DO exist. Now he has a wife who has no clue that he’s cheating on her and therefore no reason to protect herself.
You go Mr S! I play both sides of the fence but I’ve never met a woman that could handle the fact that while they’re are being tired and not in the mood, their man is up and at ‘em. This is not a perfect world – Ignorance is bliss. As long as safe sex is practiced with all partners, I’m totally down for being all you can be!
Great post Brenton and Mr S. Me likewise Bi Married but 45. Interestingly my genrder ratio of sexual partners would be the opposite of Mr S.
I was monogamous for 16 year and it nearly killed me. I agree 100% with the last paragraph : “I’d like to say I’m not proud of cheating with men. It’s that there’s no good societally-acceptable way for bisexuals to exist. I try to minimize it, but sometimes the need for intimacy with a man is just overpowering and I succumb to temptation.”
Oh and I have met quite a few of us bi married guys here in Sydney and that is without attending sex on premises venues. I am told there are more Wedding ringed men at the 357 Sauna at lunchtime on weekdays than gay men.
This is total bullshit. I am so over these weak morons who aren’t able to stick with something because “I have these desires” blah blah blah. Yes, there are people who swing. People have open relationships. These people do what work for them. This guy is out and out cheating because he’s a total pussy. Aside from the sex, he’s totally lying to his wife on a number of levels and that isn’t cool. Bisexuality is being attracted to both sexes. It is NOT an innate desire to BE with both sexes. Meaning, you don’t NEED both in order to go on with life. You chose a woman. That’s enough. If it’s not, be honest with her, be honest with yourself and get the hell out of the marriage. Quit wasting her time.
Definitely do a Part 2…
So many questions.
1. Is it only sex or are there other forms of intimacy he yearns from guys?
2. What kind of sex does he engage in? Does he kiss? (sorry, had to get that one in)
3. Has he ever been in love with a guy as he has with a woman?
4. Do you believe some of the bisexual men you meet are actually gay? Why?
5. Do you have a preference for bisexual or gay men? Why?
And a Part 3…
6. Does he keep his bisexual needs separate? Would he like to be in a M-W-M threeway with all equal participants? Would he like to be in a trio relationship?
7. Does being married prevent him from exploring more of his bisexual desires? Said another way, were they fully explore prior to being married to a woman?
8. Do you keep the type of sex between you and your wife traditional? For example, if she wanted to put on a strap-on and fuck you, would you let her?
9. Emotionally, what does he get from his connections with guys?
10. Physically, what does he find attractive on guys, eg, legs and ass?
And a Part 4…
1. He said he had a boyfriend. Mr S, tell us more.
2. Do you prefer hairy or shaved balls? :)
…
So many questions.
Thanks for this interesting interview.
Call me old fashioned, but I find the guy’s attitude sad and a little disturbing.
Firstly, I think a relationship deserves honesty and he is clearly not honest with his wife. I only hope he is being safe.
Secondly, the comment that his wife is the only women he sleeps with but there have been 15 men in the 3 years of their marriage somehow suggests that the men don’t matter. It is vaguely Clintonesque … “I did not have sex with Ms Lewinski”. This sounds to me like treating the guys as second class citizens. Maybe I am misreading it, but I do find it disturbing.
such BS….
I have no tolerance for men who are married..but have ‘desires’ and cheat on their wives with men — they aren’t honest with themselves or their wives.
I believe this is what holds back the acceptance of gays — yes, it isn’t easy coming out…but there are so many resources to help me and women come out.
Yeah, do a part 2 interview with his former boyfriend and ask him how he felt.
Interesting comments and questions from all.
Why exactly does he believe it’s ok to justify infidelity by claiming bisexuality? I’m in a great monogamous relationship. Sure I see hot guys — and naked ones at the gym and beach — and I think about sex with them. But I don’t act on it. I’m committed to my partner. Self control, self restraint, will-power. Early on, an older friend said, “it doesn’t matter where you get your appetite as long as you bring it home.”
I do not believe there is a distinct line between gay and straight. It’s a continuum and therefore bisexuality exists. I believe you need to put a stake in the ground and commit to it. Quite whining, quite making excuses. Be a man.
PS- I’d bet he thinks shaved balls are “gay.”
Please Brenton tell us you haven’t been one of this jerk’s partners.
Bullshit. He’s totally gay. Married, but gay. He hasn’t cheated on his wife with another woman, because he isn’t interested in women. Who are you trying to kid, Blanche?
This was a very provoking interview Brenton and congratulations on snagging it! I think Mr. S needs to fess up to his wife and they both should be tested immediately for HIV. Then if she stays with him start having safe sex. She has no idea of the risky sex she is having in her marriage and I have seen too many cases of HIV and AIDS from this type of open relationship. Unless he is playing safe with all of his male partners, the quaint days of marital infidelity being the only issue here are OVER. If I was his wife, I would want to know. (Hmm, maybe I would want a threesome, but I am very open minded as you know B!)
I feel sorry for his wife. Bisexual or not, he is cheating on her behind her back and being “bisexual” is not justification for cheating. I am in a long-term relationship, yes I might have ‘desires’ if I see someone else hot, but doesn’t mean I act on it. He shouldn’t have got married if he didn’t have the strength to remain committed to his wife. Besides if he was truly bi then he shouldn’t feel the need to root around with men because he’s got a woman he’s supposedly attracted to, and married to, at home.
An interesting interview. My question is: Because he is able to have sex with both male and female partners does that make him bisexual… or just a very horny 27 yo
I think the ratio he quoted suggest the latter… and a very unethical horny 27 yo at that
I’m a married bi man too and I’ve never cheated on my wife. But believe me it’s not easy to be faithful to one person for 13 years as I have been, regardless of sexuality. So I don’t think anyone should be too smug in relation to another person and this kid has to make his own decisions. In fact many bi men cheat on their wives and decide it’s kinder to the wife not to rub her nose in it than to upset her by telling her about it and most of them get away with it for ever. I did not do that but that’s not the point. I did tell my wife I was bi before we married and she was cool with that but she was clear she wanted fidelity too so I gave her that. I’ve lapsed a few times in terms of a hug or a fumble here or there, but I’ve never actually wanted to have sex with another guy so bully for me. That’s just luck, it doesn’t make me a good person.
Found the interview interesting. While I’m Gay, I did have a relationship with a woman in college. So I can understand the bisexual’s feeling.
I think as time moves on, bisexuality will become more accepted. People will just have to be open and honest about their feelings and about the nature of their relationship. As it should be now.
We just have to be patient. It will change. Don’t force it, as any Gay man will tell you about coming out. All in due course.
Interesting comments “badman”, though perhaps on a side-topic, why should a wife have to “ask” for fidelity? She should expect it, as should you. It comes with the marriage certificate, it’s a package deal, not like you can have the marriage but opt out on the fidelity bit.
I guess I just don’t understand that if someone is truly bisexual then that automatically means they can’t be monogamous. Bisexuality supposedly means being attracted to either sex, so if you get a partner of either sex (and really it’s a bit hard to find otherwise!) you should not need to go elsewhere on the side. This is why I think Mr S is more a text-book example of a gay man stuck in denial.
It isn’t about being smug. I understand Mr. S’s desire to have sex with people other than his wife. As a gay man in a relationship, I am certainly sexually attracted to guys other than my partner. Being in a relationship doesn’t cause that to stop, whether gay, straight, bi, or whatever! The point is, I made a commitment to my partner to be monogamous with him, as Mr S did with his wife. If he wanted to continue having sex with other people, male or female, he should have found a partner who was open to that. I have many friends (couples) who are in open relationships and it works for them. And I support them because they’re honest with each other about it. But Mr. S cheats on his wife and potentially puts her health in danger. Sorry, but I don’t have pity for him just because he’s attracted to both sexes.
I’d love to be in a relationship with an honest bi guy – or, even better, with two honest bi guys. We’d have everything: they’d have me and each other, I’d have two husbands, and I could play with both and watch them play with each other.
But if I married a guy with the understanding that we were going to have an exclusive and then found out that he was shagging anyone on the side – male, female, transgendered, I don’t care – I’d kick his ass out the door. Bisexuality isn’t an excuse for dishonesty.
Interesting interview. Mr. S actually told me about it before you posted it, and his reservations about it all, but I told him he should go ahead. A few have asked about the ex-boyfriend, well I’m him. I’m sure there will be some doubt, but ask Mr. S, feel free to give him my email address so he can verify my claim.
To some of those that posted comments, I appreciate your thoughts, but honestly you don’t know the whole situation, how it came to be, or any of the details. You know what was given to you through the interview. We all would like to think we’re honourable and would do the right thing but you honestly don’t know unless you’ve been in that situation.
I appreciate your point Rob.
I am now in a committed monogamous relationship with another guy, but some years ago I met a great guy. He was intelligent, funny and hot. We got to the sex part pretty quickly and it was great. It was only afterwards that we started to find out more about one another.
It turns out he was married and had had a fuck buddy that had moved away. His wife knew nothing about this side of him. He wanted me to fill that role. I did think about it. Not for long though and decided that the answer was no. It was not for me. I could see pain and trauma all round …. it wasnt right for me and it wasnt fair on her.
I know everyone will look at these things differently … but I simple couldn’t do it and really have trouble understanding how anyone can.
I am 8 months pregant and am going through the angst of discovering my husband is bi-sexual. I found out, he did not tell me. There are times I hate him, and other times I feel sorry for him and understand his desires. Theres times I question why he married me in the first place. Today I found out through my own instinct that he slept with a man in our house in our third bedroom. He will never talk about his feelings and gets angry when I subtly question him. I dont know how I am supposed to feel or what I need to do..its easy to have morals but its a cruel world and sometimes there are comprimises that need to be made…