Any long-term readers of this blog will realise that I have a few issues and insecurities around relationships and men. I’ve been fucked over by a couple of people in the last few years and it’s shaken me a bit. I’ve never had a lot of confidence around relationships and like I said yesterday the Sex and the City movie leaves me crying my eyes out because it pushes buttons about not being enough to keep someone, being cheated on, dying alone and all that stuff. Melodramatic I know, but you get my point.
SO, tomorrow I’m starting the process of having my baggage repacked so that rather than having to check it in and pay excess, it will hopefully now fit in the overhead compartment and stop crippling me. Everyone picks up little souvenirs to put in their baggage from relationships past, it’s just whether it’s souvenirs worth having or should they just be thrown out along with the guy?
Guys I meet clearly see the neon “desperate” sign above my head and run a million miles. Yes I want a relationship and I don’t think that’s a bad thing, but I do want to be able to say that I’m content if that doesn’t happen.
I have six sessions lined up with a counsellor starting tomorrow morning, once a week. Fingers crossed it will help. If I feel like it’s getting my baggage from a full matching travel set, to just a small overnight bag, and I need to keep it up, then I will certainly keep it going past the six sessions. Now… where do I find a straight jacket to match my new jeans?