My post the other day discussing the difference in opinions between wanting a child and wanting a relationship got some very good comments and responses. I just wanted to clarify a couple of things that were suggested. Most of my close friends are couples and in loving relationships. I see where people are coming from saying this is the way to go because they have a similar mindset, but there is also the flipside. If I hang out with couples all the time, there isn’t much chance of meeting single people.
Someone also responded that couples and people wanting to be part of a couple don’t hang out at nude dinners with their friends. Not true. I understand the thought behind that comment but there are two couples that I’m close to that come to the nude dinners and are very happy doing so, and neither couple expects them to turn into an orgy. In fact, one of them is totally monogamous. I really appreciate the great feedback from you all.
Yeah, I didn’t quite “get” that post about enjoying nude recreation as making someone the non-marrying kind. I suppose if you were spending all your free time at a gay sauna and lamenting not having relationships, then I think the guy would have a point. I know several guys in LTRs who enjoy week-long vacations at nude beaches or who spend quite a bit of time at the gym working on their bodies. None of that makes them less of the marrying kind, IMO.
I agree with what one poster said. You can’t look for a partner. One will appear.
After a couple of years of “dating” in NYC, I swore-off men and moved to Washington D.C. to be closer to my family of friends. Shortly after arriving in town I went to a gay baseball game. At the after game party I saw a really cute guy wearing a shirt that said “Heaven” on it. At the time “Heaven” was a really trendy club in London that drew beautiful and usually high circuit boys. As a flight attendant I was in London frequently and had been to the club a few times, always leaving disappointed. Young and stupid, I assumed that the hot young baseball player in Washington got his T-Shirt at the club.
So, having way too much to drink for my own good, and feeling the need to tell the world, not to mention the hot baseball player, that I had sworn off all men, I walked up to him, poked him in the chest and said “I know how self-absorbed you hot boys that go to Heaven are - and no longer have a use for you!”
I later found out that he had never been to London, bought his shirt at a local thrift store, and despite being the hottest guy in town was sweet and shy. I found out because he turned out to be a close friend of a friend of mine and we ended up at the same party later that week.
The point of my story is this: People will tell you that it is impossible to find love in a gay bar, when you are drunk and angry. In fact, people will tell you all kind of things. The truth is that all true to the people who tell it, but not necessarily true for you. I found love at the most unlikely place at the most unlikely time…nearly 25 years ago and I still love waking up next to him in the morning.
My advice, which is true for me, but not necessarily true for you, is to get comfortable with yourself and people will be comfortable around you. Also, be bold and assume you have nothing to lose by approaching everyone you think looks interesting. You never know, they might think you are interesting too. And, by the way, you are very interesting!
Stop looking, you will find each other.
Brenton:
This is my first time replying to your blog, but I’ve been a visitor to your blog for quite some time. One thing that I see consistent is your desire to be in a loving relationship. I think this is the desire of most gay men, no matter what continent they are on. I find you extremely attractive, and I’m sure there are more men out there who feel the same way. Don’t count yourself short, the right guy will come along when you least expect it. I’m always told not to look for the “one”, in some respects, I agree with this, in others not. If you don’t, how are you suppose to know if that person you just passed was not him.
If you were here in the state, Brenton, I’d give you a look, and then some. Talk to you soon. Jeff.
I have a friend who has naked board game nights at his place now and then and plenty of couples attend these, and aren’t there to find a third.
But I have to ask you, Brenton, if you do indeed hang out mostly with couples in loving relationships, then who are all these people telling you - as you noted in the earlier post - that you have to slut around and that men aren’t truly monogamous?