As for having babies, I feel that is a precious endeavor because it is creating life from the love a couple has. Even though the cynical biologist in me says that it is just strands of DNA replicating and ensuring survival of the species, and the brash ecologist in me says that the world’s human population is way too large as it is. Yet my heart bleeds for a couple who has trouble conceiving, but I feel so silly saying that because it is contrary to my other thoughts on the matter. See, how troubled I am? You think you have problems?

Really, I wish you luck with your search.

I think your observation is interesting. I hear similar things from our single friends.

Three observations I have. First, what might be hurting you is that you’re equating your desire of being in a relationship to happiness. When people make light of your desire it hurts because they are basically blowing off your happiness. Just a thought.

Second thing I have observed is that people are more sympathetic to goodlooking guys yearning for a relationship than average Joes. Almost as if average Joes don’t have feelings. As an example, a friend of ours, “Mike”, is really goodlooking, extremely smart, great heart, consistently gets several dates a week with really goodlooking guys. However he’s boring as hell. People dote on him like there is no tomorrow. “I’m so sad for Mike. He wants a relationship so bad. He really needs a partner.” “We should really try to help Mike out. How about Ken. You should introduce them.” On and on.

By contrast, our friend “Matt” has a so so face, is bald, but has a great body. He’s really outdoorsy guy, not pretentious, is smart, owns his own business, has two homes, is a ton of fun to be with. Straight shooter, no nonsense kind of guy. He’s 36. His partner of 8 years was killed in an automobile accident 3 years ago. In the last 18 months he’s tried dating. It’s a big thing for him if he gets one date in 3 months and an even bigger thing if he has several dates with the same guy. We know he wants a partner just as much as Mike, but he doesn’t talk about it endlessly like Mike. However, when he’s excited about having a second date, everyone just changes the subject. No one ever displays interest. And certainly no one expresses sympathy for him. The good news is he met a guy last month that seems to share a lot of chemistry. He wants to share with our friends, but he won’t say anything.

Third thing is, we agree with another poster, it’s about who you hang out with and whose behavior you’re emulating. If you’re hanging out with singles and dysfunctional couples in bars, you’re going to find singles who want to be single and people in dysfunctional relationships. You need to observe where and with whom your hanging out.

Bonus observation: you can’t “look” for a partner. He will “appear.” Therefore you need to do what makes you happy, busy yourself with things you like to do, surround yourself with people who have similar interests. I met my partner on a flight from LAX to Auckland, New Zealand. I was looking to get away, explore a country I had not visited, and to have a good time on a three week vacation — he just happened to be there… on the same plane, going to the same place, planning to do the same thing.

Just my two cents.

The list can go on, and I am sure there will be dialogue contrary to my opinion, which is my opinion, but look close at your blog entries.

Being older, gives one perspective and a great degree of knowledge in a way.

I am not suggesting you stop your habits, just mearly observe the kind of men that share the lifestyle, men who don’t want to be in relationships.

Please understands this is NOT judgemental, just observational and in no way reflects any opinions to what you do being anything more then supporting a single lifestyle vs a man ready to settle.

I’ve “been there and done that” is all I can say and realize to settle one at times needs to give up alot of the “energies” of being single to allow someone in to pair up.

Bottom line is your not ready to pair up just yet, which is a great place to be. And when your ready you’ll be ready.

Just an observation……………

Doc B.

You might want to take a look at who you surround yourself with. As an old college professor once told me, if you only date millionaires you will most likely end up marrying one.

If you surround yourself with couples, and people looking to become a couple, you are more likely to become one yourself. No promises, though.

Relationships aren’t really synonymous in that regard. You can’t just make it happen, no matter how much you want it. You can increase your chances by meeting more people, but it’s not something that you can just do because you want it. In fact, desperately wanting it can be counterproductive.

Also, I think the “norm” of expectation of gay relationships only applies to your experiences, not necessarily reality. There seem to be a pretty high proportion of gay guys at my workplace. Seven, including me. All bar one are in committed, monogamous relationships. I’d never seen any of them out at nightclubs (or anywhere), and all seem pretty grounded and “normal”.

Most couples tend to not go out, they socialise with other couples, and generally stay pretty quiet. There a hell of a lot of men out there in steady relationships that you never see. The fact that you don’t see them makes you think they don’t exist, but they do. Dropping off “the scene” is a part of that commitment, I reckon.