My lesbian flatmate often chat over morning coffees about relationships etc. Today we ended up on penis size.

How often have we gay boys unwrapped something only to be a little disappointed with things coming up short of expectations? I’m no insatiable size queen but there are times when you really crave a Big Mac. The online dating world is renowned for it’s misleading nature. You know how the story goes, his profile says large or extra large and you order in. He arrives on your doorstep and it may come with cheese but it’s no quarter pounder, but more like a kids happy meal. Thoroughly underwhelming.

So we came up with a penis register idea. At the age of 18, every boy has to go into the Central Penis Registry where he’ll be helped to achieve his full potential, and at 18 that shouldn’t be too difficult, let’s face it. Then a standardised measuring will occur, and to those internet guys that say “extra large” when it’s clearly not, you do NOT measure from your butt hole. Then all prospective future dates will be directed to the registry to look up their date to see if he’s been misleading. I think it’s got potential.