My very first boyfriend, at the age of 25, still leaves his mark on me, and not in a good way. Scott was mentally a little different to most of us. Nothing officially diagnosed, but definitely different. I would say he and his sister were unnaturally close, not in a sexual way but the rest of the world was operating on the other side of a very foggy window to them.
At the end of our second week of dating, keep in mind this was all VERY new to me, he suggested we live together. He wanted to spend every day together and over the next few months tried to infuse himself into every aspect of my life. He was also a pathalogical liar. I’ve subsequently caught up with his boyfriend prior to me and swapped stories and confirmed many lies. But I digress. After I ended the 6 month relationship, just after coming out to my family, he proceeded to stalk me for another 6 months. He’d turn up at work, call me constantly, ask to catch up, call my sister and my friends, all the time begging to get back together. Nothing dangerous, just annoying and sad, let’s call it stalking-lite.
Several years after we broke up I saw him out at a bar and he was pashing (snogging/kissing) his boyfriend, but still GLARING at me at the same time… healthy isn’t it? I’ve since seen that he’s had a new boyfriend but they’ve been going out for some time now. I’ve fought the urge to run up and tell the boyfriend to run.
After a conversation with my flatmate tonight, the possibility occurred to me of mutual stalking. Maybe an obsessive stalker can focus his intentions on a similarly obsessive stalker and they can both end up in a lovingly pathalogical stalking relationship where they don’t even have to hide in bushes because the object of their lunacy is sitting on the lounge next to them?
I had one like that but not so psychotic as yours. He just stalked me following me in the car. Eventually he left me alone. Thank heavens and now I’ve got a great other half who is so not psychotic. There is a life.
I think some level of stalking is normal for folks who have a bit of the ol’ obsessive compulsive tendency. It sounds like your ex was a bit on the pathological side, so he’s a mite over the top. I often fixate on certain guys for varying lengths of time. I’m not quite stalking, but realize that I sure as fuck could slip into the definition.
If I had someone asking me to move in after two weeks…I’d be getting a removal truck…to go the other direction!!
Seems many of us had one at some stage. Mine used to dress the same as me even keeping a suitcase in his car to changem if he did not see what i was wearing before we went out, Then he bought a new car same as mine even the same colour DUHm Thank heavens he eventually went back to Mummy.
Interesting idea with two stalkers. Or the other person has sub-zero self-esteem and uses the attention/stalking to validate himself. Whatever works and makes them both happy.
The endorfen rush you offered him by your attension, sexual play, just maybe a touch was enough to mix with Scott’s obsessive compulsive behavior that he could not stop trying to recreate the sensation by continuing the relationship. It could only by stopped by finding someone else to duplicate the feeling.
For me, the bottom line on someone who wants to move in after two weeks of dating is this. You have something he wants, most likely something of value to him. He’s controlling, a narcissist, insecure, unable to take care of himself, and he’s just like my ex boyfriend. I fell for this nonsense, no one else will hopefully fall for the same nonsense. Most people who pressure a “move in” in a relationship are abusers, and if that happens to anyone, run, don’t walk, run away. Say “no thanks” and just run. You’ll later realize you’ve made the best move for yourself. One who’ll wait is worth waiting for in the long run. Just sharing.
Brian
If that pic was of your boyfriend, I could put up with quite a lot of crazyness, lol
Guys it’s called “Build a bridge and get over it”!! Maybe the new boyfriend likes all the attention. There is somebody out there for all of us!!