We’ve all done it. We’ve met someone and after just a few brief meetings you entertain all sorts of ideas of candlelit dinners, Labradors and happily ever afters all before you’ve even had a decent conversation.
Is it the idea that they represent that you are smitten with, or is it that they genuinely tick off a lot of the boxes on your list? Maybe it’s a combination of both, but then what happens if you don’t get a chance to decide? There’s someone you meet that you’d love the chance to get to know, as friends, co-parent to a Labrador or just someone to catch up with for the odd coffee. Sadly, despite them having the means and knowledge to get in touch, they don’t seem inclined to do so. While you justify their lack of contact by imagining they’ve lost their fingers in a tragic cheese grater incident, the truth could well be that they just aren’t that into you.
Do you just let it go the way of my twin fantasy and be put away in the file of “wouldn’t it be nice?”
Perhaps it isn’t either the idea or the ticks against boxes, but rather their pheromones signaling they are your sorta person.
Unfortunately, pheromones work both ways – to attract or detract.
So, to become a stalker, um I mean to chase them up or to let it go?? Always worthwhile attempting contact once – something may have come up that prevented them from contacting you and you need to test that theory of lost fingers – but if nothing prevented them, or they don’t reply, well you’ve got their answer (i.e. Not interested so get that flea infested dog away from me!!), so let it go as you’d have a better chance achieving your twin fantasy!
Well, unless becoming a stalker then puts you in a prison which also houses twins…….worth thinking about :)
B. it works both ways, you could be the one who’s calling. You’ve typed all these sentences so there’s nothing wrong with your hands. *wink*
Those who have the power, lead others on – not because they’re assholes, but because they can.
Funny that you mention this. Last week there was a repeat of the Sex & The City episode when Berg uses the phrase, “He’s just not that into you.”
It seems that I am usually the one who is smitten but doesn’t get the reply e-mail or phone call.
However, there have been a couple of instances when I found out later that was someone was smitten with me and I had no idea.
Maybe being direct (not abrasive) is the best option or could directness be a turnoff. It’s all so complicated.
I think I see then answer written in your post.
The answer is the Labrador!
You don’t need another man to have a labrador, and we all know labs are the most gentle and unconditionally loving creatures. And they tend to attract same…
Norten (fellow lab) would love a playmate!
Sweet Sweet Brenton,
Let me tell you a little story! Immediately after I came out 2005 (June) I met a man who I immediately fell for. He was everything I imagined in a partner. Charming, funny, witty, passionate, understanding (important). He was also very easy on the eye, great smile, physique (not so important to me) We met at my place, he stayed the night.
The following week, I stayed with him. I was smitten. Wanting to spend as much time with him as possible! He worked it Sydney 5 days a week and flew home on Friday evenings for 2 days. I remember the first night I went to visit him. I had to catch the train for an hour, then walk 40 minutes to his apartment. It was cold and raining and I got saturated. His flight was delayed for an hour so I spent even longer in the bad weather. We he finally arrived home in the taxi, he threw me a glance and a smile and it all seemed worthwhile. When we got inside his apartment, he stripped off, invited me to shower with him (of course I indulged being that I was soaked through)
Then without even a whisper he laid down and went immediately off to sleep. No goodnight, would you like a coffee, a water. Here I was, meant to be spending what little quailty time we had together, left sitting alone in his house at 8pm. I stayed awake all night, stewing over what had taken place. I understood that he may have been tired, but to invite me around in the first place, when a simple phonecall could have saved alot of heartache. I left early that morning, saying very little to him. And then when I tried to call him, he said he was busy entertaining friends and then accused me of being too pushy.
Whats my point: NO matter how much we want someone, and for that someone to be everything we want him to be. There will always be a clear signal as to whether or not he feels the same towards you. It broke my heart in the end, because I was chasing someone who was trying to run away. What you seek is something genuine and wonderful Brenton and I wish for it to happen for you, but Please don’t wear your heart on your sleeve and end up shattered, should it not be everything you hoped it would.
xoxox
You have to get away from the scene to meet anyone decent. No offence, but you seem very into the scene. The scene is full of people whose entire lives revolve around their sexuality, to the detriment of other areas of their lives. Scene queens are generally not well-rounded, healthy people. When you move away from the scene, and stop living every second of your life as though being gay completely defines you, then you’ll have a chance of meeting a decent guy and forming a meaningful relationship. :-)
Brenton,
Why don’t you just ask him out?
Because that’s not the stereotypical gay guy’s way. You gotta sleep with him before you even know his name – ‘asking them out’ is for straights or for people who want a long-term relationship.
If there’s one thing that I’ve learnt over the years its that if you want something to happen then its up to you to make it happen. And you have to persist until you get an outright rejection. I think Shaney gave up too easily
As humans we are naturally cautious and uncertain about our relationships with new acquaintances, often so uncertain that we prevent situations from developing that might be to our advantage
From what I’m reading in your post Brenton, these are not guys you’ve hooked up with, only men you’ve met in passing. For me, ideas of Labradors never enter the picture until AFTER that first or second real date. Until then, it’s just fantasies of what they’re like in bed. If you are creating futures for men you barely know, I don’t think it’s productive. If you’re smitten by the unknown, file it with the twins. If you’re smitten after you know them, then you can justify the picket fence fantasies.